


Behind Closed Doors

by Rogueinsomniac



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Backstory, Implied/Referenced Underage Sex, M/M, Minor Akaashi Keiji/Kozume Kenma, Minor Character Death, Minor Hanamaki Takahiro/Matsukawa Issei, Minor Sawamura Daichi/Sugawara Koushi, Pretty Setter Squad, Switches POVs, Underage Drinking, Underage Prostitution, lowkey sad, no beta we die like men
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-30
Updated: 2020-12-01
Packaged: 2021-03-09 21:00:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Underage
Chapters: 41
Words: 40,496
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27802681
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rogueinsomniac/pseuds/Rogueinsomniac
Summary: In which Oikawa is secretly an escort in high school.  His best friend Iwaizumi struggles to console Oikawa about things he knows nothing about.  Oikawa gets himself into a situation in which he has to use any means necessary to keep his secret from coming out.The plot centers around Oikawa.This story will NOT be child friendly.  Lots of overage content and themes.
Relationships: Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru
Comments: 3
Kudos: 20





	1. Prologue

I never thought that I would end up here. Not once, did I ever think I would be here with men like that. The men disgust me, most of them at least. They have this ideal that because I'm young, I must be stupid and willing to give up my body for someone like them. How wrong they are, I specifically chose this profession because I knew men and women like that would give anything to be with me. I knew it, and I exploited it. If you knew why, you would understand I'm not cruel and that all of this is truly in my best interest. Even if I hate it. 

Even if I'm in high school and needing to hide it all from the people closest to me. Even then, I need this. Nothing will change the fact that this job is what's best for me right now. I don't feel bad for myself, this is just how it is. And I have come to terms with it all.

However, there's been this thought in the back of my mind that I haven't been able to say aloud. It doesn't make it any less true. The honest truth about me is that for the right price I would let anybody do whatever they want with my body. It's just skin after all.


	2. Chapter 1

Oikawa Pov 

My work has been texting me all morning asking me questions about my shifts and it is starting to get annoying. I even had to leave my usual group of girls that fawns over me to answer them to ask them to shut up. I have to call them back later though, they won't be liking the whole 'me yelling at them'. That's sure to ruffle some feathers at the office. 

"Shittykawa!" Ah. Of course this is right now. 

"Yes Iwa-chan?" 

"Are you coming with us to class or have you decided that you're officially too cool to be at school. Is that it?" 

"Oh! Shoot. Why didn't you get me earlier. Let's go!" I took off running to our classroom. We were already six minutes late to our first class. I can't believe I spaced out so badly. I've been so flighty this morning. 

"We're here." I opened the door, Iwa-chan and I panting with the class staring at us. 

"I can see that. You should already be in your seats. Go sit down." 

We awkwardly made our way to our seats mirroring Makki and Mattsun's seats who sat right next to us. Speaking of Makki and Mattsun they've been in a fit of giggles ever since I opened the door. 

"Nice entrance." Makki said his words through breaths after calming down some. 

"Yeah. Very proper Oikawa. You looked absolutely gorgeous panting so madly bent over like that." Mattsun's words put Makki back into his previous laughter. Iwa-chan seemed fed up at all this mockery and finally hit both of them on the back of the head. 

"Shut the fuck up." 

Our class was disastrous. I don't know how anyone could have gotten notes with all the talking Makki and Mattsun did. It's truly a marvel they have the grades they do. Which are quite exemplary if you ask me. Not as good as mine but still up there. 

I immediately left to the bathroom to take my call with the office about my next client. After reading over the texts I knew it had to do with a well paying client. So it was in my best interest to answer as soon as possible. After checking the stalls to make sure no one was there I started the call.

Calling Akaashi... 

"Oikawa, thank god. They asked me to get in contact with you." 

"Okay. About what exactly? Your texts were very non descriptive. I'm thankful for that don't get me wrong. Who knows what someone would think if they saw my phone and you were descriptive. But nonetheless I don't have any details. So... fill me in?"

"They want you to come early tonight. Can you do that?" 

"I was supposed to hangout with someone after school. Why do I need to come early?" 

"Look. There is an extremely well paying client that the boss wants to keep happy. They specifically asked for you. We're in no position to make demands, you know that. Can you come early or not? That's all the information I've been given on your assignment, I just need to report back as soon as possible." 

"Fine. I'll do it. Do you know anything about this guy?" 

"No. I'll ask for a profile and I'll send it over as soon as I respond to our boss. You're a life savior for responding. They were starting to get really mad at me." 

"Of course they were. They suck. Okay. Bye Akaashi." 

"Bye Oikawa." 

End call.

This client better be worth it. 

When I got out of the bathroom Iwa-chan was the first to talk to me. 

"What took you so long in the restroom?" 

"I had to take a call." 

"From who." 

"Just a friend." 

"Look I can't hangout today after all. My mom wants me home early I guess. I'm sorry." 

"I don't care. I'll just see you at school tomorrow. It doesn't matter." 

"Of course it doesn't." 

School felt like it was taking forever. During class my phone got a notification and I haven't been able to check it yet. I knew it was the profile from Akaashi. I needed that to be able to adjust my personality to my client. As soon as the bell rang I grabbed my bag and ran out the door. I didn't stop till I got home. Class ends at 2 pm. Work usually starts at 5. Early meant 3 pm. That's one hour to change and get across town including being personally prepped for my client. I can do it but it'll be tight. 

I read over the profile immediately. This guy just wants to go to dinner? Okay. I can dress for that. I started ripping off my clothes and putting on my formal date clothes. They said well paying that means dinner probably isn't casual. This will be fine. Black slacks that clung to me a bit, a black collard button up and black shoes. My clients respond well to this outfit, I can't imagine this man will be any different. 

I read over their profile twice more on the way to the office. When I got there the team was waiting like usual. 

My boss spoke first, "Oikawa, are you properly vetted?" 

"Always. You haven't told me what the mans age is or how he looks however. That's kind of important to the whole process." Akaashi piped in next handing me the full file. 

"I only gave you what we had but maybe you can find something else in there." 

"So where am I supposed to go? Did he give you a location for the date?" 

"Actually he asked to meet you here. He said 'that would be most comfortable'. He speaks super formal and I couldn't tell how old he was from his voice either which means he's not too old at least." Of course Suga was the one to talk to him on the phone. 

"Okay. So when is he getting here?" 

"Uhh now I think?" 

"What?! I haven't applied makeup yet!" And then a voice I didn't recognize spoke from behind me. 

"No need Oikawa-san, you look gorgeous as always." 

"Who are you?" 

"Oh. I'll be taking you out tonight. My name is Ushijima. Wakatoshi, Ushijima. You can call me Ushijima, Oikawa-san."


	3. Chapter 2

Oikawa Pov

"That's a nice name, Ushijima-san."

"Just Ushijima will be fine, Oikawa. Shall we leave?" So he doesn't want me to be using formalities, got it. Wait... I don't have a time for when we're coming back... I need that!

"Umm yes.... er"

"I'll bring you back by 10 if that's what you're wondering." How does he know? 

"Yes, it was. Thank you."

"We'll be on our way then. I've already wired money over so you should be fine. Thank you." 

As we walked out of the office and made our way to his car I started noticing how young he is. He could be my age. Why would he get an escort at my age? And for something other than prom. 

He has fairly above average looks, not to my standard but still he looks well enough. It's not as if he couldn't get a date if he tried. 

"Here we are." Ushijima-san opened up the side door for me to get into. That's gentlemanly. Everything he does something it makes me more confused as to why he's here tonight.

We drove rather silently to wherever our destination was. It wasn't that awkward because the entire time I had checked out and been thinking about why on earth a man like this is going out with someone like me. 

When we got to the restaurant which was way too nice Ushijima finally started talking when we sat down at a table. 

"Oikawa. I notice you've been rather silent is there something on your mind."

"Huh? Oh. No not really."

"Because you're known to be quite the chatter box." I'm known as what? By who?

"Am I really?"

"Yes. Are you perhaps wondering about why I chose to be here with you?"

"I... yes. Very much so. I keep making conclusions in my head and none of them make sense. Would you explain of that's not so rude?"

"Of course. Oikawa I've actually seen you before on dates with other men. Now that alone isn't why I asked you out. Our schools are fairly close and I've seen some of your volleyball matches before. I've seen the girls crowd you and become stunned with your beauty. I've seen them ask you out and one after another you've always turned them down. I realized after finding out where you work that this might be the best way for me to get to know you. Because you are absolutely captivating." Oh god. Why is he saying that so casually with a completely stone face?

"Oh. Well thank you then. If I may ask one more slightly insensitive question?"

"Of course."

"How old are you?"

"Ah, I'm 18. We're in the same year actually." Seriously? I guess that's better for me then.

"Are we really? That's interesting."

"So Oikawa. I answered your questions. Would you care to answer my own?"

"Yes, ask me anything."

"Would you tell me about yourself? Anything you find interesting enough to let me know?"

"I'm not sure there's much to tell that you wouldn't know by just looking at me."

"I'm sure you have something."

"Uhh I'm really into Aliens? Does that count?"

"Haha, of course. I was hoping for something more but that's a start." So he does laugh. It was seriously awkward how he did it... but still. He did laugh.

"Okay, I have three friends. Three I actually like and prefer to enjoy time with. Everyone else around me is just extra. Except for the people at my work whom I also consider friends. Is that more your speed for interesting things about me?"

"Very much so. Oikawa, why is it that you only have three people you actually like if we're excluding work."

"Oh. So you want to go deep? Okay. Because those are the only people who actually like me regardless of talent or beauty. So I suppose I like their non-conforming thoughts surrounding me. It's refreshing."

"I see. You must really like them then for you to talk about them as you do." Do I like my friends as much as he says? I guess... I mean... they're total assholes to me. 

"I... I guess so."

"Oikawa, let me ask you something else."

And he continued asking me questions for the next 2 hours. It was a bit exhausting having to be so on. Eventually Ushijima asked me something that genuinely surprised me however.

"Oikawa, you don't have to pretend around me. I know that you're acting. I won't pay you any less depending on how you act. In fact I'd like to see you again regardless. So if you would stop pretending it might make this less awkward for you." No one has ever said something g like that to me. What the hell was that?

"I... you could tell?"

"I can usually tell when people are faking around me. You were no different. Your rouse was expertly crafted but I'm better at knowing people. So you can just act normal. In fact I'd prefer it."

"Okay. So what do you want me to do when I'm normal Ushijima, what do you want to say to me." I tried to be seductive leaning in closer to him, talking softly but he seemed unfazed. Maybe he isn't interested in me anymore?

"Oikawa, you don't have to be seductive with me," He leaned in closer than before to whisper in my ear, "I already find you sexy as it is." Oh god.

He's not even trying and I'm flustered. It was probably the dramatic change in personality. 

"Oikawa, I want to ask you something later. Were going to leave soon. I'll ask you then. Okay?"

"Umm yeah. Okay." Classic. Of course he'd use the I'll ask you later. It's to make me more nervous about the question knowing that of it is a yes or no or a favor I'll likely say yes out of nerves. How annoying.

When we finally left the restaurant we got to the car. I knew he was driving me back but this was also when he would ask me his question. Well played to do it in a place without people. 

"May I ask my question now, Oikawa?"

"Yes, of course. Go ahead."

"Oikawa, I'm are you are tight with money seeing as you are an escort. And there's no way your parent's would have been okay with this so you likely live alone. Meaning you pay for rent making your tightness for money more apparent. So I have an offer, well it's a question but more of an offer."

"I... yes. Okay, you may ask."

"Oikawa? You're a genuinely attractive man, everyone knows that. So within a reasonable range and that range is high, how much for me to do what I like with your body?" That's not what I expected at all.

"I... I'm sorry?"

"How much do you want for me to bs able to sleep with you. What's your price?"

"I... I don't know I've never done anything like that before." 

"Well you can have time to think about it. I'm not suggesting it be right now. You just call me when you have your price."

"I will."


	4. Chapter 3

Oikawa Pov

It's been a while since my date with Ushijima but that doesn't mean it's been any less on my mind. Two questions have been circulating my mind and honestlt I'm not sure thT I have a good enough answer for either of them. How much for my body? How much is it really worth to me?

"Hey! Oikawa!" What? Makki is so fucking loud.

"Hmm? Yes?" Did I space out?

"We're supposed to be hanging out but you keep retreating into your head. Snap out of it." Have I really? I guess I didn't sleep much last night. I must be spacy.

"Sorry, sorry. What were we talking about?"

"About what movie we were going to see. I figured you of all people would want to have input on this." Mattsun's emphasis on you was almost rude but I knew he was teasing. Makki followed Mattsun's comment quickly.

"Well are their any movies you would prefer?" 

"Are their any movies about aliens?" They both looked confused and left it to Makki to respond awkwardly.

"Uhh no?"

"Then I don't care." A voice popped up from behind me quickly after that reaponse.

"Oh. Oikawa. I didn't know you went out for anything besides jobs." Who the hell is? I turned around to see the pudding head from my work, Kenma.

"Evening, Kenma. I'm surprised about you as well. We both know how you detest social interaction."

"Well there's a new game release and I'm here to pick it up." Makki broke up our conversation with his own inquiry.

"Uhh Oikawa who the hell is this? You have a job?" Shit. Shit. Shit. 

"Oikawa and I used to work together. He doesn't work there anymore, however. I wasn't aware he had cute friends, though. I wish he would have mentioned someone as cute as you." He turned and honed in on Makki, who made a slightly more flustered reaction than Mattsun had at his first comment. 

There it is. Kenma is very good and making people forget their original intent by flirting. He's a master at it.

"I well. I wouldn't say cute." He's got them. Makki is blubbering.

"Oh I'd say you're very cute. My name is Kenma, mind telling me yours?" Makki is about as pink as his hair now. I'll speak now and try and get this over with so Kenma can leave and get his game. 

"This is Makki. The dark haired one is Mattsun. Makki, Mattsun, this is Kenma Kozume, my old co worker. Admittedly I was less social at work. Kenma knows that. I apologize for this meeting. I'm going to talk to Kenma alone now. We'll be right back."

I took Kenma's wrist and immediately took off toward the nearest bathroom. When we got there Kenma immediately started apologizing.

"Shit. I'm so sorry. I didn't realize you actually knew them. I thought they were creeps bothering you. I didn't mean to accidently out your job to your friends." As quiet as he is right now he was talking a lot.

"You're okay. That's for flirting with Makki though. Hopefully they'll just think you're hot now and forget about the work thing." He gave a slight laugh at that, good that means he's realized it's not totally his fault.

"I mean that was the goal. I started just doing things to get you out of the mess I made. He looked like he would fall for it well enough." He's right. Makki doesn't get flirted with a lot. Especially when I'm around so Kenma flirting with him like that was an incredibly good call on his part.

"Ugh. I hate lying to my friends."

"Why don't you just tell them then."

"You know exactly why not."

"Right. Right, sorry Oikawa-san."

"It's fine. I'll see you later Kenma. I have to go back before they start looking for me or more likely forget about me entirely." 

"Then you should go. I'll see you when you check in tomorrow for your scheduled date. Bye." Kenma walked out and I hurried to find Makki and Mattsun again.

When I came back Mattsun already had questions. 

"So, you used to have a job?" Dammit. I was hoping they would have dropped it.

"Umm yeah. Just for extra cash. Nothing weird."

"Really? Weren't your parents fairly well off though?"

"Well yeah. But that doesn't mean I am."

"So what kind of job?" 

"What?"

"What did you do? Where did you work?"

"Why is it so weird that I had a job?"

"Because you've been playing volleyball with us for 3 years. You stayed after for extra practics more often than not. What kind of regular job has flexible hours like that?" I... fuck. What kind of normal job does have hiurs like that? Uhh.... OH!

"I worked with Kenma as a tutor. We helped kids study. I got to be apart of choosing my hours. Its not weird Mattsun."

"Oh. Well that's disappointing." THANK GOD!

"Yeah well it's what I did. Let's just go to the movie." 

How has this been such a stressful event. I'm lying all over the place. I'm incredibly lucky they believed me. I'm not sure I had more things I could have some up with if they kept going at that moment. 

I need to be more careful about slipping up around them. Makki and Mattsun might look stupid but I know they have incredible wit and amazing detection for lies. Everything will be more tight on security for my job in how I do things. I can't afford for them to find out the truth and tell Iwa. That would be disastrous.


	5. Chapter 4

Oikawa Pov

Akaashi has been scheduling with me all this morning. It's been annoying because Iwa and the meme team think I've been texting some girl. They keep teasing me about it too. 

Akaashi says I have another young customer tonight. What's up with all these kids who keep requesting me? Can't I just go back to old men? Don't get me wrong they're absolutely gross but teenagers are so... so... entitled? Every teenager I've had has just assumed we have a mutual attraction and that they can touch me. It's honestly maddening. 

He also said they're from the area so to be careful. They didn't give their profile picture so all I know is personal info which is honestly scary for my situation. As long as I don't know them I'll be fine though.

When I finally left school and all the teasing I was left to read over their profile and to make a decision. Whether or not to ask for a new appointment. They had asked for me specifically meaning they either saw my picture and thought I was attractive OR the second option we've already met. Its been a little over 2 years at this job and I've never had someone I know. The fear has always been there but thankfully it's never happened. Am I willing to take this chance? 

I knew the answer. I'm short on money. Our trip to volleyball camp had me needing cash. Even with Ushijima's generous tip I know I can't make rent this month without this appointment and there is no guarantee that someone will book me last minute before I have to hand in my check. So I'll have to do the date. There's a low possibility it's someone from my school anyways. I'll be fine.

I showed up to the club my date requested we meet at 10 minutes early. They knew what I looked like so as soon as someone gave me their appointment number I'd know who I was meeting.

"Oikawa, Appointment number 225. Nice to see you again." I've heard that voice before. I know this boy behind me. I shouldn't have taken the job even if it put me on the streets. Nothing was worth this.

"Hi there, Yahaba nice to see you." I smiled. We both knew it was fake, I mean, how could I be smiling at a time like this?

"Who knew you did such dirty work, Captain? I'm a little surprised our precious team leader is actually so desperate as to do something like this. But no mind. I asked for you specifically so it isn't like I should be that taken a back. Now what do you say, let's get some drinks. Yeah?" He walked over to the bar to order bringing me back something I didn't know the name of. He was up to something that was going to damage what I had and I knew it. I wasn't stupid. This was all going to go up in flames and at some point the other shoe will drop and he'll ask for something to keep this a secret. I just don't know what. 

"Tooru, can I call you Tooru?" 

"I'd rather you didn't."

"Oikawa then, I'm gonna tell you what I want. You must have known my silence doesn't go unbought."

"Of course not. What do you want from me to keep my secret?"

"I'll keep your promise," he took hold of my collar and whispered hotly in my ear, "in exchange for physical favors." 

I'm sorry, what? I'm in no position to do anything but oblige but... this is... too much. Is he insane? What could he gain from touching my body? That's disgusting... revolting... but I...

I can't say no.

"Okay. Did you want to do it now?"

"God no. A gentleman takes his girl out before he does anything risqué. I'll call you when I want to talk about it. For now let's just talk okay," he slowed again before he said, "Captain." In the most menacing and sexual way possible. I felt like my insides were churning. How can my own team mate whom I made into a perfect player do something this vicious?

He says he's a gentleman but what gentleman uses sexual favors instead of hush money. Not only is that a shit thing to do but it's also such an unfair trade off. I'm starting to feel pissed off.

Yahaba talked to me for 2 hours till his time was up. I left feeling dirty. Dirtier than any other date, even after men had touched me unwanted and breathed down my neck and said grotesque things I had never felt more dirtied and shameful than I did tonight.


	6. Chapter 5

Oikawa Pov

Ever since my interaction with Yahaba I've been avoiding him at school. I'm scared of what he'll say. I'm scared of what he'll do. If he wants to go through with the deal he'll have to call me because I've given him no opportunity to ask in person. I'm secretly hoping it just goes away even though I know that won't be the case.

Right now I'm going to work. I have an appointment fairly late tonight but I'm coming in early anyways. My team will be there and Akaashi offered to talk about my situation. Even if we don't come up with a game plan I need to talk about it. I need someone to know that I'm scared even if they can't comfort me. 

When I walked through the door everyone's eyes were on me. Akaashi knew the situation in a short capacity and probably warned everyone to be sensitive. As soon as I walked in though Suga's arms were wrapped around me. That was enough, that was enough to get me worked up. I had been pent up on emotion all week. I had been keeping inside how I felt since my interaction with him but the warmth I felt, the safety that I was given let me break down completely. 

I cried. I cried loud and ugly sobs. I agreed to let him touch me. I said yes. I'm going to let him touch me, oh god. I said yes, I said yes. I...

"Shh. You're okay. Hey, its okay. Akaashi pass me that water bottle."

I felt Suga's warm arms holding me. I knew I was getting his shirt wet. He was probably going on a date too. I felt positively disgusting and I was breaking. I knew people were moving around me but at this point I couldn't see with all the tears in my eyes. 

"Tooru, shh. You're okay. I'm here. Don't worry. I'm here."

"I said yes. He's going to touch me, Suga I have to let him touch me. I... I can't I can't."

"I know... I know. Don't worry, we're here. We love you no matter what."

Someone small was holding my hand. It must be Kenma, his hands were cold and their hair looked long.

"Oikawa-san, we do care about you. If you want to tell us what's going on. We'll listen." That was definitely Kenma.

"You should probably let him calm down first. You wouldn't be able to understand him with him crying like that." Akaashi. His statement made me giggle slightly. I knew they cared about me no matter how embarrassed I felt about it they probably wouldn't judge me. It'd be okay. 

"I'm not crying that much." A lie.

"Sure you weren't. Your eyes are just naturally puffy." Kenma! What an asshole.

"That's rude, Kenma!! They are not!"

"Sure."

"Anyways. I came here to talk about my situation with erm... Yahaba." Even saying his name made me sick.

"Your date from earlier this week?" I confirmed Kenma's question.

"Yes. He's from my school."

"Woah. Wait. Are you serious?" Now it was Akaashi's turn to be surprised.

"Yes. He's blackmailing me with keeping my job a secret from my team." Suga hesitated to ask why. I knew that he was nervous for what I would say after what I said in-between sobs. Everyone was, if Suga had told them the information that I gave him they had no reason not to be.

"Tooru, what is he blackmailing you for?"

"My body. He said he'd keep my secret in exchange for sexual favors. I don't know when he plans to start and I'm scared. I said yes because I didn't know what else to do. I cant let my team find out, I can't let Iwa-chan know what I do after school everyday. I didn't have a choice, but it makes me a whore either way." Suga was the first to step in after my statement.

"Woah, woah, woah Tooru. We do NOT use those words to talk about ourselves. You're being forced into this. We all know that. We also know that your reputation to Iwaizumi and the rest of your team is very important to you. But are you sure you're okay giving away yourself for that?"

"I... I don't know. I don't know anything anymore."

"Hey. That's okay. As long as you're doing what's best for you." Kenma finally spoke after a long silent streak.

"It sounds like this Yahaba guy is a total asshole."

"HE IS!" I was mad and Kenma was there to validate my anger. He always was. Akaashi stepped in and immediately discussed my anger with his questions.

"So how far are you willing to go with this guy to keep his secret?"

"I don't know."

"That's something to think about before it happens. I don't want you to regret something because you didn't think it through."

"Oh trust me Akaashi, I regret plenty of things already."

"I'm aware. I just don't want this to be added to the list. So just.... think it over when you're alone. And if you want help I'll be there, we'll all be there."

"Thank you." 

As much as I trust my friends at school my family is here at this office. Akaashi, Kenma, Suga and I have been with eachother for a while now. Suga and I both met my first year of highschool and we added Kenma and Akaashi to our team the next year. All 4 of us taking up our jobs as escorts for various personal reasons. It bonded us together. They were my home. My secret home. And I knew they'd be there for me if all of this went south.


	7. Chapter 6

Oikawa Pov

I got to school early. I didn't have an appointment yesterday so I finally got to sleep at a regular hour. Of course I couldn't wake up when I usually do because of this as my body was totally out of sorts at my decision to sleep early. So I came to school, I drilled serves and now I'm in my classroom going over my notes.

It was quiet. No one was awake besides me and the few people who worked here and opened the classroom doors. 

"Oh. You're here early." 

"I slept at a reasonable hour and I got up at 4. I wasn't planning to be here but I am. Good morning, Iwa-chan."

"I thought you always slept at a regular time? Isn't that something you lectured the underclassmen on our team about."

"Yes, well I have to study so I sleep layer than intended. The real question is why you're here so early. You've never come before the bell, Iwa."

"My house was too loud for me to sleep. Shouldn't matter to you, Shittykawa." He's right. It shouldn't, but it does. And for some reason I feel worried about him and that takes my mind off of all my own problems. 

"I was just asking. I'm worried is all."

"Don't be caring. It's fucking weird." 

"Ah. Sorry about that, Iwa-chan. I've been getting used to doing other things recently." I shouldn't have said that, Iwa looked at me like I had said something utterly depressing. 

"What the hell is up with you recently? You have such a grotesquely sad vibe about you as of late. So, what's wrong with you?" That's a difficult question for him to ask. 

"Ah, Iwa-chan! I've just been tired is all. No need to worry!" Even saying it outloud you can tell I'm lying. I have been tired, that's true but anyone with a decent brain and IQ can see that's not all wrong with me. 

"Fine. Then don't tell me. Let's just study or whatever you were doing before." 

Iwa-chan and I studied together for the 1st time in some months. It was nice but sadly cut short by the bell. Makki and Mattsun came in immediately pumped up about something. Makki's blabbering was enough to really wake me up.

"Alright. Iwa, Oikawa we have to get a head count. So far everyone has said yes. So, tonight we're having a team party or hangout are you guys in?" 

"Yeah, we'll come." Iwa was speaking for both of us and unfortunately what he said was wrong. 

"I'm sorry, I actually can't." 

"Seriously? Why not?" Mattsun questioned me, he'd been on me ever since they met Kenma at the mall. 

"I have to be home tonight. You know, parents and all that." 

"Well that sucks." Makki actually looked sad at that. I almost wanted to say yes regardless of what I had to do tonight, but I didn't. 

"Good morning, Class." 

Everything was boring till lunch. During Lunch I went to sit on the roof alone like I had been doing to avoid Yahaba. When I got there I noticed Iwa had followed me. 

"Oh. Iwa-chan, why are you here? Don't you sit in the canteen?" He came and sat next leaning on the wall I was supporting my back on. 

"I realized you've been ditching out on lunch lately. At first I thought you must have been studying but then it kept up. We're in the same class and I know you don't have any important exams till next month. So for the amount of time you'd been not showing up for I didn't think studying made sense either. So why are you out here instead of with the team?" I don't know what to say. How do I explain this? I have nothing prepared. 

"I just didn't want to be there, I've wanted some alone time. So I've been outside, reading. Plus, there aren't any girls here to try and distract me, so that's nice. Why did you miss me?" 

"You asshole. No, I didn't miss you. Everyone has noticed your absence though. It'd be best for the team if you came back." 

"I know." 

"Then why don't you?" 

"I just can't. Not right now." 

"Fine. Then let's eat." 

"I'm sorry?" 

"Don't make me repeat myself. We'll eat together, you're a liar if you say you'd rather be alone. I know you." 

"Oh. Alright then Iwa-chan. Let's eat." 

Iwa-chan and I spent the day together. After this morning and now lunch I felt glad that he had been reaching out to me. I needed him there and he came even without my asking. He really is my best friend. 

When I got to the office my team was waiting for me, they always were. 

"Woah, Oikawa what's up with your face. You look all fucking sad." Kenma, always the first to notice. For not being good with people he sure knows how they work. 

"I'm ditching a team party for work. I just feel bad for always leaving them." 

"Ah. I get that, I don't go to team things a lot. Bokuto-san gets depressed when I'm not there, as annoying as that is it makes me feel quite awful to see his face when I decline." 

"Yeah, but you never liked going to team functions, you only feel bad when Bokuto guilt trips you intentionally or not." Maybe I went too far. 

"You're right. I was just trying to make you feel better. Sorry." 

"No, you're... it's fine. It just sucks, I want to be there with Iwa. I want to be there with Makki and Mattsun. I never see them anymore, I just want to be able to see them and not lie to them." 

"Where did you tell them you were going to be? When you declined I know you didn't say here." Kenma inquired after my small dispute with Akaashi. 

"I told them... that my family needed me home." Kenma and Suga snickered at that. I'm aware that it was a total lie but I couldn't have come up with anything at that moment. 

"Look, I couldn't think of anything else. It's not my fault." 

"We know. I had just hoped you had told them." 

"I can't. You know that. You all know that."


	8. Chapter 7

Oikawa Pov 

I got home later than intended. I was feeling better after talking with my team. I was less nervous. But unfortunately still on edge. 

Ping

Who is texting me so late? Iwa-chan is usually asleep by now. He wouldn't need me so late, would he?

Oh...

1 new message

Yahaba Shigeru

~

Yahaba Shigeru:

Oikawa. Are you up?

Oikawa Tooru:

Umm yeah. I am.

Yahaba Shigeru:

Great. On Friday our team is having an official "party" with a few other schools. You'll be there won't you.

Oikawa Tooru:

Oh. I'm not sure. It depends if my work needs me.

Yahaba Shigeru:

No, I don't think you understand. 

You'll be there. 

Tell your work you can't go in.

Oikawa Tooru:

Oh. Okay. I'll be there.

Yahaba Shigeru:

Great. See you then.   
~

I put my phone down. I was shaking. Just seeing his texts made me nervous. I was scared, for the first time ever I had felt absolutely terrified. Yahaba was terrifying.

I couldn't stop shaking and my breath felt shallow. I felt cold and sweaty and I couldn't focus.

Why does he need me at that party?

Why won't my hands stop shaking?

I need... I need... I need it all to stop.

Just stop.

I fell onto my bed and curled against the backboard. I couldn't stop shaking. I was gripping onto my shirt for support.

Is he going to touch me at the party?

Is that what he wants?

To do things in front of the team?

To humiliate me?

I... I can't do that. 

I... can't breath. 

I can't breath. I can't breath. 

Oh god. No no no no no stop. 

I think I'm dying. 

I feel like I'm dying.

What would Iwa do? How do I stop this? 

Why is this happening? Why does it hurt so much?

Why can't I focus on anything?

Everything is blurry. It's all out of focus and I can't see. 

Okay okay. Calm down.

I'm okay. I'm okay. Stop crying. Stop crying. 

God dammit STOP CRYING!!

Stop it. Stop stop stop. I want it all to stop. 

I need help. Where's my phone? Why don't I have my phone? Where is it? 

Oh. 

I picked up my phone with my hands still shaking vigorously. I need help. Call someone. 

Calling...

Pick up.

Please pick up. 

Please. Please. I need you right now.

"Tooru? Is that you?"

"Suga..."

"Woah. What's wrong? What's up with you?"

"Help."

"I'll be right there. Stay on the phone with me. Hey... you're gonna be okay." 

I could hear his feet hitting the ground hard over the phone.

"I'm gonna have you on speaker while I drive over okay. Just breath."

All I need it to breath. Suga is coming. I'll be okay. I'm going to be okay.

My heart rate hadn't slowed any when I heard the front door of my apartment open. 

"Oikawa! Tooru! Where are you?!"

Suga.

He ran into my room looking all sorts of disheveled. He came over to me. I'm sure I looked just as awful as he did. He sat in front of me and pushed his arms under mine and held me.

"I'm here. You're okay. I'm here now." I would be okay. I'm going to be okay because Suga is here. Suga will save me. 

"Breath with me. You're okay. I'm here now." 

"In. And hold. And now out. Let's do that again."

Suga had me breath in and out several more times before I felt calm. 

"So what happened? Do you want to talk about it?"

"Yahaba. He... look."

I turned my phone and turned off the call that I was still on with Suga. I opened the messaging app and held my phone out for him to take. 

When he had finished reading my thread with Yahaba he gave me another hug.

"If it makes you feel better at all Kenma and my team are two only the teams who will be at the party. So we can help if need be."

"Thank you." 

"I'll get to meet... uhh who is the one you always talk about?"

"Iwa-chan."

"Yes. Iwaizumi. If you want you can introduce me to him. I'd love to meet your friends. I'm jealous Kenma got to meet them before me."

"Of course you are."

"I have to go home soon because I haven't finished any of my notes. I'm gonna get someone else here."

"You don't need to do that."

"Tooru, I don't want you alone. I'm going to have someone in my place to take care of you. You get no say in that. Can I see your phone again."

"Sure."

He then took my phone and proceeded to text someone. He handed my phone back to me. 

"Okay. I'm going to head out now. They'll be here soon."

Suga left me alone again but not for long because soon there was someone else at my door knocking. 

When I opened the door I felt panicked. 

"I- Iwa-chan what are you doing here?"

"Your friend asked me on your behalf to come here. Are your parents not home?" 

"Umm no. They aren't."

"I wasn't aware you moved."

"Uhh well yeah. We did."

"You should have told me."

"I know."

"So you don't feel well?"

"Umm no."

"Well. I'm here to help then."

"That's unlike you."

"Shut up Shittykawa. I was asked to help. So I'm helping." 

"Uhh thanks I guess. I just had a panic attack I think. That's why he called for you. Sorry. He needed to go home and didn't want to have me left alone."

"Okay. Then let's go talk or something."

I took him to my bedroom where we sat on my bed awkwardly. We were fairly far apart on opposite ends of my bed. 

"So who was your friend?"

"Oh you don't know them."

"I didn't think you talked to anyone off the team." 

"Well I guess you don't know everything about me." 

"I guess not..." Iwa stayed silent for a long time. Probably gathering his thoughts for what he was about to say. 

"Next time you have a panic attack... I want you to call me first." that was not what I imagined he would have said. It wasn't anything close. 

"Okay. Next time I'll call you." 

"Can we sleep now? I was sleeping before I got your message." 

"Really? I sleep with my phone off. I wouldn't even know if someone needed me after I fell asleep." 

"Well the only person's ringtone that's on for me is yours. You've only ever texted me at night if it was something bad so I don't feel the need to turn your ringer off." Oh... 

"That's nice... you're being nice and it's weird Iwa-chan." 

"Shut up and go to sleep."


	9. Chapter 8

Oikawa Pov 

I woke up next to Iwa-chan. We was warm, it all felt... nice. I hadn't slept next to anyone in a while, I felt safe next to him. When we got to school Makki and Mattsun immediately started talking about the party with the other teams. 

"What other teams are going?" Iwa asked Makki after he finished his last sentence. 

"Nekoma and Karasuno." I instinctively answered. I looked up at Mattsun and Makki who wee both surprised. 

"How do you know that?" Mattsun pressured.

"I know someone on both those teams. They're going so I assumed." Makki perked up after hearing about the people I knew.

"Is one of them Kenma?" 

"Yeah. He should be going, although I bet he'll hate it." 

"Whose Kenma?" We had been leaving Iwa-chan out of the conversation after the mention of my other friends, no wonder he seemed impatient with his asking.

"Oikawa's old coworker." After Mattsun answered Iwa turned to me.

"You had a job?" 

"He was a tutor." Jesus Christ, if Makki would stop answering for me. 

"Oh. That makes sense." A full proof lie. I feel bad but at the same time I'm impressed with myself. Who knew they'd buy into it so well. 

Class was long and I was thankful for that. I wanted every second to be as long as possible before I had to go to the party tonight. I needed time to slow down almost completely. Yet, soon enough it was time for the party and I was changed and walking to the house it was held at, knees and hands shaking. Whatever is going to happen at this party is going to be hell and I need to be prepared for the worst. 

Suga wanted us to match so we both wore the sweaters Akaashi had given to us as presents the previous Christmas. They were light blue and soft and went perfectly with jeans. I looked cute and that fact made me feel slightly better as to the situation I was walking into. 

When I got to the house I could hear music playing inside. I knocked on the door to see Suga's Captain open it. 

"Hi! Oikawa, right?" 

"Umm... yeah?" 

"Suga said you'd be here, he wanted you to go find him when you got here." 

"Oh. How do you know who I am?" 

"Kageyama, one of our setters talks about you quite a bit." 

"Of course. Thank you, Daichi-san." 

I walked past him into the large house. It would be difficult to find Suga if he wasn't in the next few rooms or looking for me. There were lots of people and it was loud. 

"Tooru! Tooru over here!" I turned to see Suga shouting and waving at me holding up his and Kenma's linked hands. Ah... safety. 

I quickly made my way over to them ignoring anyone and everyone else who tried to talk to me. 

"Good Evening, Suga, Kenma." 

"Yeah, hi. It's so loud in here." Kenma was already complaining. How in character. 

"Shittykawa! Who are these two?" Oh... Iwa-chan was next to me as soon as I had found my friends. 

"Hi there! I'm Sugawara, this is Kenma. We're friends of Tooru." 

"Tooru?" That isn't what I thought he'd comment on immediately. It's true I don't let anyone else call me that that doesn't work in my office. Suga had taken a liking to my first name however and honestly I liked when he called me by it. It felt like being at home and he was playing mom. It was nice. 

"Umm yeah. Suga and I are close so I let him call me by my first name. He's actually the one that texted you lat night." Iwa-chan's eyes widened at that. 

"Oh. I'm Iwaizumi Haijime. I'm Shittykawa's unfortunate best friend." 

"You're right. He does call you a lot of names." Kenma mumbled under his breath barely looking at us. 

"What?" 

"Kenma! There you are! I've been looking for you for half an hour." A boy with wildly messed up black hair came over and started talking to Kenma who looked wildly uninterested. 

"Kenma, who's that? Do you know him?" Suga went into Mom mode immediately after the boy started touching Kenma's arm. 

"This is Kuroo. He's my best friend. He's also extremely touchy. Kuroo say hi." 

"Oh... so you DO have other friends." 

"Of course I do. This is Suga-san and Oikawa." 

"Good Evening, Kenma's friends. I'm gonna take Kenma away now if that's cool." 

"Sure. See you later Kenma!" I shouted after him, who was now being taken away by Kuroo. 

Suga and Iwa-chan seemed to be battling for my attention now. It was flattering that they both wanted me to talk to them. That all suddenly came to an end however. 

"Oikawa. I'm shocked you didn't come and find me sooner." I tensed up hearing his voice. 

"Why would he be looking for you?" Iwa questioned being the only one out of the four of us to not know the situation. 

"Well, Oikawa and I have some unfinished business. He actually came to the party for me. Didn't you, Oikawa?" 

"Yes." I suddenly felt small. I felt targeted. I felt... alone.

"Why would you come here for Yahaba?" Iwa pressured. 

"Oikawa why don't you show them why you came here for me." I knew what he wanted me to do. But I felt sick and scared. What would Iwa think?

Yahaba took my waist and held me close to him. He kissed me harshly, and shoved his tongue down my throat. Oh god. Oh god. I hate this. This feels gross. He stopped for a second after our far too long kiss. 

I instinctively looked at Suga for help but he seemed at a loss. I had no idea what to do and I had no one to help me. 

Iwa-chan walked away after looking at me disgustedly. 

"Come on Oikawa. Let's go somewhere more private." He took my hand and started to drag me through the house, looking for an empty bedroom or anything really. As much as I didn't want to be alone with him I was glad I wasn't going to be where people could see me.

He finally found a bedroom free of people. As soon as we got in there he closed the door and started taking off my clothes.

"What are you doing?"

"Shut up. I'm taking off your clothes." He continued to strip me down to my boxers. He took off his own shirt and pushed me on the bed.

He started kissing my neck and down my stomach. His tongue felt disgusting on my body. I felt scared, I had been trying to stay calm this whole time. Yet, I had never wanted to cry more. 

Yahaba sat on top of me, below my hips. He was grinding onto me, and I don't remember anything after that. 

It felt as if I had blacked out. The next thing I remember was putting my clothes on and stumbling out of the bedroom. Everything was fuzzy in my head. 

Someone handed me a drink with something in it and I instinctively took it and drank it all. 

I didn't want to remember anything from tonight. And I was going to make sure of that. I took another cup of whatever alcohol they had and began to drink.


	10. Chapter 9

Iwaizumi Pov

Why didn't Oikawa tell me he was dating Yahaba? Why am I so mad about it? Stupid fucking Shittykawa. I had been outside for most of the party. When I came back in I saw Oikawa holding a red cup and looking absolutely ravaged. 

What kind of idiot drinks when they're underage. 

"Hey! Shittykawa!" I went over to him and took his cup from him. He looked up at me smiling, looking tired.

"Iwa-chan. Hi... can I have that back? I need it." What?

"You don't need shit."

"You don't understand... I... Yahaba. Gimme the cup." 

"Jesus Christ. Don't talk about him."

"Huh? Why not?"

"I just... why didn't you tell me you were dating him."

"We aren't dating. No... no... hahaa definitely not." They aren't dating? Or is Oikawa just too drunk to know?

"Then why did you kiss him?"

"Because I'm generous." What the fuck does that mean?

"You're drunk."

"No. You're drunk." God he's annoying. 

"Shut up. Let's get you out of here."

"I don't wanna go."

"Well you're super drunk and I'm not letting you continue to drink, so you're gonna have to go with me." 

"Iwa-chan my legs are heavy." 

"Come here." I picked him up and put him on my back as I started carrying him to my car.

"Iwa-chan how come you're only nice to me when I'm impaired?" 

"I am not."

"You only like me when I'm drunk or sad. Why is that?" 

"I... I don't know." Because I can take care of him then. Because then he isn't the best at something and I can finally help him.

"Mmm Iwa-chan you smell nice." What?

"Stop that. Alright, I'm gonna take you home now, okay?" I put him in the passenger seat of my car and buckled him in.

"Okay..." I started the car and continued to Oikawa's apartment. 

When I took him out of the car and started to drag him to his door he stumbled the entire way there. 

"At least try and stand dumbass."

"My legs don't work." God, he's like a little kid right now.

"They do too. Where are your keys?"

"Here." He handed something to me from his pocket. Thank God he's awake enough to find his keys.

I opened the door and took him inside. He immediately went to his bed to lay down. 

"Iwa-chan are you gonna stay over?" He stayed on his back looking at the ceiling.

"I wasn't planning on it, no." 

"Iwa- stay with me. It's scary being alone." I could see him tense up at the last part, he looked genuinely scared. I couldn't say no to him.

"Fine. You should change if you're gonna sleep." He made a noise of confirmation and sloppily made his way to his closet and pulled out more than one sets of clothes. He handed me one of them and patted my head as he went to the bathroom. I stood there shocked at the whole interaction. Oikawa was truly different when he was drunk. 

I put on whatever he gave me and went to go find him. He had been in the bathroom for a while. I knocked on the door to the bathroom. 

"Oikawa. Hey, are you in there?" I could here crying from the other side. 

"Can I come in?" I turned the handle and walked in to see Oikawa sitting on the tile floor with his hands in his hair and his face buried in his knees that were tucked closely to his chest. He sounded as if he was desperately trying to stop crying. 

"Hey, are you okay? Umm..." I sat next to him feeling awkward and uncomfortable and useless. I didn't know how to help someone who was crying. I didn't even know why he was crying. I felt frustrated with myself. 

"Can I do anything for you?" He jumped on me and swung his arms around my neck. He curled into my chest and continued to cry. 

"Oh. Uhh... it's okay. umm... it's okay." I was stunned mostly by all the sudden touching that was happening. I patted his head, I honestly wasn't sure what he wanted. So eventually I just went silent and held him. I felt that was the best option with all that was happening. 

"Iwa, I didn't like it. I didn't like it at all." He was finally talking but it felt like nonsense since there were no previous context clues as to what the hell he was talking about. 

"I don't know what you're talking about... but it's over right? It's not happening right now. So you're okay." He burst into another fit of sobs right after I said that. Shit.

"It's not over. It's gonna happen again." What the hell does that mean? 

"Umm what's gonna happen again?" He immediately perked up at that. 

"Nothing." He looked as if I had given him some sort of terrible news.

"Uhh... okay then. Are you okay?" 

"No... I'm not okay. I don't feel uhh dizzy? anymore. Not after crying..." I'll take it.

"Well that's something. Do you want to go to bed?" He nodded silently and stood up.

"Okay." 

When Oikawa finally fell asleep I was still wide awake next to him. I couldn't sleep, not with all the questions tonight had brought up. For one, what the hell was Oikawa talking about in the bathroom? And why won't he tell me? Who were his friends at the party and why don't I know them? Why did that one guy call Oikawa by his first name? What the hell was that shit with him and Yahaba? Why have I never seen them together before if they're dating? Why did Oikawa get so drunk? He usually doesn't ever come near alcohol or anyone who has touched it. So why tonight? Why was tonight so different?


	11. Chapter 10

Iwaizumi Pov

I barely slept last night. Thank god we don't have school today because I couldn't handle that right now. 

Oikawa has been cuddled next to me all night which I'll admit has been nice. His hair is really soft and fluffy. But I think I like being next to his because then I know he's safe. 

He moves a lot in his sleep. At some point he sort of woke up and he was crying but he quickly fell back asleep after. I wasn't sure what that was and to be honest it kind of scared me. I had never seen anyone do that before. He was gasping desperately for air and I was scared for him. When he fell back asleep I was on edge, thus my not sleeping. 

When he woke up it was eight O'clock. He started turning and eventually settled on leaning on me as he opened his eyes.

"Good morning Iwa-chan."

"Good morning, Shittykawa." I decided to get out of bed now that he was awake and start getting dressed. 

"Do you want to borrow clothes?" 

"Do you have anything that would fit me? You're pretty skinny." 

"I am not. And yeah I was given something a while ago that wasn't my size but it's probably yours." 

"Why didn't you return it?" 

"Because that's rude. Let me get it for you." For being as drunk as he was last night I expected him to be more... hungover. But he was honestly kind of peppy. He walked over to his dresser and started rummaging around and eventually tossed me something that honestly wasn't atrocious. I walked to the bathroom to change and when I came back Oikawa was already dressed and doing something else in the kitchen. 

"Are you hungry?" He turned over his shoulder to look at me. 

"Umm yeah I guess." 

"Cool, go sit at the counter then I'm cooking right now." Honestly, I didn't think he could cook. I still don't think he can cook but he starting pulling stuff out of the fridge and continuing his mission to make something so I didn't decline his offer. He just looked so... intent on making whatever it was. 

He kept to himself and was fairly quite while cooking which was odd especially for who he is. I didn't mind it though. I imagine his head must hurt or something, I don't know I've never been drunk or hungover before. I have taken care of Mattsun before when he was drunk however and after he said his head was hurting and that noise made it worse. 

Eventually, he finished and placed something in front of me. He sat on the stool across from me and started eating. In the middle of our breakfast I decided to ask something that had been on my mind. 

"So are you and Yahaba dating?" He put down his utensils and looked up at me. 

"What are you talking about?" 

"Last night you and Yahaba were making out. You said that you came to the party for him. I assume that means you must be together." 

"Umm no I'm not dating Yahaba." He shifted on his seat uncomfortably not making eye contact. 

"Then why did you kiss him?" 

"Because he wanted to." That's stupid.

"What? Do you just kiss people because they want to now?" 

"I guess? I don't know." How can he not know?

"What about every girl that's ever asked you out? If they wanted to kiss would you?" 

"Well I don't know them." I... what? 

"So only people you know?" 

"Umm yeah?" 

"So if I wanted to kiss you right now you'd just let me?" 

"Uhh depends." Excuse me. What the hell. He JUST said he'd kiss people he knows.

"What? It depends on what?" 

"On why you wanted to." 

"Okay, let's say it was because I liked you." 

"I'd say no." I'm so fucking confused right now.

"Seriously?" 

"Yeah. I'd say no." But he'd say yes to fucking Yahaba? I.. what the fuck.

"Why?" 

"Because you'd be lying." He looked right into my eyes when he said that and I almost felt bad even though I had no idea what he was talking about.

"Why would I be lying?" 

"Because you're not gay." Of course. Not that I've ever had a crush on a boy or a girl but still, I'd say no to me too. I'm not sure what I am, especially if I've never found anyone attractive before.

"Oh." 

"Yeah, so I'd say no." 

"So Yahaba doesn't like you?" 

"I don't think so." He's wrong. I saw how he looked at him.

"And you don't like him?" 

"No, I don't like him." That somehow makes me feel better even if it's a lie.

"But you kissed." 

"But we kissed." 

"Because he wanted to?" 

"Because he wanted to." 

"That's stupid." 

"Why is that stupid?" 

"Why would you kiss someone you don't like?" 

"Just... wanted to." God, why does he keep saying that. It doesn't make any sense.

"I don't get that." 

"You don't have to get it." 

"Do you kiss other people you don't have feelings for?" 

"He was the first." 

"Not even your other friends?" 

"What other friends?" What does he mean what other friends? Is he messing with me?

"The silver haired boy that called you by your first name and the quiet one with dyed hair." 

"You met Suga and Kenma?" Oh... He looked genuinely confused.

"Yeah. You introduced us. Do you not remember?" 

"I honestly don't remember much of what happened last night." Of course he doesn't. 

"So do you kiss them?" 

"Not for fun, no." I'm honestly really pissed off at his weird ass answers right now. 

"But you do kiss them?" 

"Only once." 

"Why?" 

"Just to see what it'd be like." So Oikawa instigated it.

"And that was your idea?" 

"Yeah. Suga had already had his first kiss and I wanted to know how it felt if it was good." Why not with a girl?

"Why didn't you do it with one of the girls that likes you?" 

"Because I don't like them." 

"But you like Suga?" 

"In general yes. Romantically, no." 

"But you kissed him?" 

"Yes." 

"And you let him call you by your given name?" 

"Yes." 

"Why just him?" 

"Well the other's didn't like it as much or just liked Oikawa better." Of course he's talking about his other friends again. How have I never met them before?

"You don't let anyone at school call you that?" 

"Well I don't like everybody at school." Pft. That's true, he is fake at school.

"But even I don't call you that." 

"I know." 

"But Sugawara calls you that?" 

"Mhmm." 

"But I've known you longer." 

"Do you want to call me Tooru?" I had to think about it. 

"No." 

"And why not?" Because it makes me feel gross inside and warm and I don't like that.

"Because we aren't dating so it feels weird." 

"And that's why it's just Suga." 

"So you'd let me call you Tooru?" 

"Yes, if you wanted." 

"Okay." 

"Okay."


	12. Chapter 11

Oikawa Pov 

After breakfast Iwa-chan was quick to leave. He had to be home and he hadn't told his parents he was out. As much as I was glad that he wasn't asking me anymore questions I was quick to revert back to my old thoughts. 

I had been thinking about what happened last night. It was true I don't remember most of it, I didn't lie to Iwa about that. There was one part of the evening I remember vividly however, it keeps playing in my head on loop. I can't seem to get it out. And everytime... 

"It feels good doesn't it." 

I feel sick because of it. 

I knew I did what I had to to keep my secret safe but I couldn't help but feel ashamed because of it all. For the first time I had sold my body, not for money but by blackmail. 

If Iwa-chan knew why I had done it maybe he would have helped me way back then. Back when I was a first year, when I needed his help the most. But now if I told him what happened and what I am he'd surely be disgusted by it all. 

If I had told him from the start... I wouldn't have felt this revolted by my own skin at this moment in time. 

Right before I started as a first year at Seijoh my father passed away. He had a sickness or something like that, I honestly don't know because my mother said it wasn't important. She said he died because he was weak. That only the strong get to live. I think she was just upset at the time but she never said anything else on the matter after that. 

About 3 months after during that same year I came out to my mother. I told her that I liked men and that I might be a homosexual. Honestly, I had known for a while. I wanted to tell my father but he died before I could. That made me scared that my mother might too before I got the chance to tell her, so I did it soon to make sure that wasn't the case. 

She didn't like that I had told her, no she didn't feel fondly toward it in the slightest. In fact my mother hit me repeatedly after. She called me all sorts of names that I wouldn't like to think of now. Eventually after I went back upstairs she told me to leave. That I had ruined everything and that I needed to leave. So I took what I could carry and I left. I had nowhere to go, nowhere I felt safe. Now, I realize that isn't true, that Iwa would have let me stay with him and kept me safe. But I was embarrassed and stupid so I spent about a week on the streets. 

During that time, I began to lose hope till this angel came to me and asked me if I was okay. I honestly thought I had died when he came to me, he really looked like he might have wings. But, he didn't. He was an angel nonetheless. I didn't realize he was from a school so close to mine at the time. 

He took me in and let me stay with him. He even offered me a job after hearing about my situation. He told me all the cons of the job and that he had only been there for a short amount of time after having to move out as well. I took the job, I knew what it was yet I still had no idea what I had gotten myself into. 

Suga became my closest friend, he helped me when I had nothing. Eventually I saved up enough and was able to live on my own. I still live close to Suga however, it's been hard being without him honestly. Suga and I both had our own abandonment issues and being together made us feel wanted, it felt like a family. 

Soon, Akaashi and Kenma joined our family and our team at work. Both of them having their own tragic stories to tell and needing the money. Not one of us sharing our work with our friends. All of us feeling slightly isolated from the outside world. None of that mattered when we were together, we were all happy just to be near eachother even if it was at work. 

I never thought my being an escort and taking up this job would have led me here, however. I never thought my teammate would betray me as Yahaba did. I've thought through everything in my life up until now. Because now, it all just feels so messy. I feel as though, even with my safety net of Akaashi, Suga and Kenma I will fall. And that when I fall... I will be alone. That is why I haven't told anyone what I do. Because I want to hold out on being alone for as long as I possibly can. I've been alone before, and I've never been good at it. There are many people who can thrive and prefer it but I unfortunately, as much as I may try, cannot live alone. 

So, if letting Yahaba take control of my life and have my body is all it takes to keep my secret and not be alone then he can do as he likes. I thought before my body would be worth something of value like money. I had always wondered what my price would be and I still do. But now I know money isn't all my body is worth. It's worth it's weight in well kept secrets too.


	13. Chapter 12

Oikawa Pov 

It's been a week since Iwa-chan slept over. Since, I let Yahaba do unspeakable things to my body. 

Tonight, I'm going out with my team. Surprisingly, it was Akaashi who suggested we all go out together. I guess Kenma has had a bad week at school and a rough time with customers, so we're going to cheer him up the best we can. 

This will be the first night in a while that I've gone out for fun. I finally get to dress casually, I'm honestly excited. Jeans, a pink sweater with an alien on the right top corner, black boots and belt. I feel cute. Honestly, most of my clothes now are things from my team. The sweater was from Kenma. He got it the summer, he said it reminded him of me so he got it. Probably, one of the nicest things Kenma has ever done, intentionally that is. 

I met Suga outside his apartment. Suga was going to drive us to go pick up the other two. 

"Tooru!" 

"Suga, you look cute." 

"And you look very pretty, I could never do makeup like you. Show me some day so I can pick up cute boys." Suga's a liar, I've seen him do makeup. He's nowhere as good as Akaashi but he still knows how to make himself cute. 

"I will, of course. Has 'Kaashi updated you on Kenma's condition?" 

"Ah. He said, 'Kenma is feral let's drink.' Kinda nervous to see how he might act honestly." Me too. 

The drive was nice, Suga always plays good music. He was siking me out for tonight, I knew what the purpose was and nonetheless I was excited. To drink with my friends, and to get to be out with someone who I didn't have to hide from. 

Akaashi and Kenma were already together when we picked them up. Kenma immediately started his rant as soon as he got in the car. It seems like Akaashi had already heard most of it because he would nod at things kenma said or fill in parts he forgot. I knew our group was the four of us and as close as we were as that group we were also close as individuals. As pairs. Suga and I were the closest for obvious reasons. And so were Kenma and Akaashi, I think they just clicked when they met eachother. It's like they run on the same wave length. They would both always prefer to be by themselves if given the choice, but they make an exception for eachother. I don't think it expels energy the same way if it's them. 

However, we are all close to eachother individually as well. There are certain things that each of the group members knows about me that the others do not. They all have their own field that they excel at within our group that the others wouldn't dare to impede on. 

We got to the bar we had previously decided on and immediately when we walked in Akaashi got hit on. Akaashi tried to politely turn them down but eventually I had to use the "boyfriend" card and get him out of there. We had all done it for eachother before. When someone doesn't stop moving in on one of our members another steps up and pretends to be our boyfriend. It almost always works to get the person hitting on us to back down. 

Kenma rambled on about his previous week and how awful it had been. 

"And then Kuroo made me be partners with Lev for practice after I had specifically expressed my frustrations. To top it all off though, my week ended with this god awful teenage client. God, teenagers are the worst clients. This asshole groped me during our outing to his school festival. Can you believe that?" 

"Woah fuck him." Suga was the first to console Kenma. 

"What did you do?" I asked, wondering how Kenma deals with clients who break his personal boundaries. 

"I left. It's against our policy. It's in the agreement they sign before hand. So I left." 

"Smart move honestly. I don't know if I could have done that." Akaashi followed up. 

"What would you have done then?" 

"I would have broke his arm." He said calmly. Scary. 

We had been drinking the whole time. We were now on our 4th? 5th? round of drinks. I honestly, don't know. I couldn't keep count. I was starting to feel dizzy however. Suga being our designated driver hadn't had anything to drink. He, for being as chaotic as he is was also really good at taking care of us and he knew we all had our own reasons to be drinking tonight.

Kenma and I were both starting to get drunk and we all knew it. Akaashi who had had more to drink that the rest of us looked completely unfazed. Alcohol seemed to have no effect on him. In all the time I've known him he has never once gotten drunk. It's kind of amazing seeing how much he can drink. 

At some point I started feeling really tired and loopy and Suga decided we should all head home. Akaashi and Kenma were our first stop. After was Suga and I's quiet drive home.

"You drank a lot tonight. Sorry, I didn't stop you." 

"No- no... I... that was me. You didn't... no. It's not your fault." It was hard for me to get out the words I was meaning to say. 

"Still. I hope you won't be too hungover for school tomorrow. I'd feel slightly responsible." 

"Ah. No. I'm just... I'm a mess." 

"I suppose right now you are. I'll walk you to your door." 

Suga did walk me to my door but seeing as I was having troubles he also took me inside. He got me ready for bed and tucked me in. He was a proper mom. 

"Goodnight Tooru." 

"Goodnight Koushi."


	14. Chapter 13

Iwaizumi Pov 

When Oikawa walked into the classroom he was late. Appearance wise he looked a bit less stunning than normal. But I could tell that wasn't all. He made his way to where we sit and as soon as he sat down I knew there was something wrong. 

"Why do you look like that?" 

"Like what?" He didn't even look up at me. He just continued to have his head in his arms on his desk.

"Like you're in pain." 

"Because I am in pain." 

"You're wearing your glasses." 

"The light hurts my eyes."

"Always?" 

"No. Just right now. Can you stop talking I have a headache." That makes sense I guess.

"Okay." He put his head down for the rest of class and I continued to take notes occasionally checking to make sure he was breathing. 

After class had ended I tried to get him up. He was pretty hard to get up however. 

"Oikawa. Oikawa. Shittykawa get up it's lunch!" 

"oh? What did I say about noise." Asshole.

"Fuck your headache. Get up and eat." 

"Food sounds gross right now." Excuse me?

"What?" 

"I have a headache and eating will make it worse. I just know it." This sounds... familiar.

"Are you... hungover?" 

"Kinda yeah. It was worse earlier though." I didn't want to be right. Not one part of me was hoping to be right at this moment.

"Why would you get drunk on a school night? Why would you get drunk at all?" 

"I don't have to explain myself to you." He honestly is an asshole.

He spent the rest of class being spacey and shielding his eyes from the light. I couldn't focus after our conversation during lunch. When did he start getting drunk and drinking? Oikawa was always responsible even if he is a dumbass. So what the hell.

"Oikawa, before practice I want to talk to you."

"Hmm? About what Iwa-chan?"

"About what the hell is going on."

"What do you mean." He's so fake it makes me mad.

"Why would you get drunk?"

"Seriously? Can we not talk about this?" God, why is he so defensive? He pisses me off.

"No. You came to school hungover. You didn't take notes. That's not normal for you. Why did you drink?"

"Because we all went to a bar. Of course we'd get drunk." He went to a bar? He's underage? How did he go to a bar? With who? 

"Who the hell is we?"

"Just... my friends."

"Just your friends."

"Mhmm."

"And who might that be?"

"Why do you care?"

"I don't. I..."

"See you don't care so stop bugging me Iwa-chan. Let's just go warm up for practice." I should have said something else, I know that but I couldn't think of anything at the time.

"Fine." When we got to practice Yahaba immediately took notice of Oikawa. He started walking over. He definitely likes him, and I know Oikawa knows that.

"Captain, hey there." ...Captain?

"Since when do you call Shittykawa... Captain?"

"All the time. Don't worry I wouldn't expect anyone to notice. I usually do it when we're... alone." Why did that last word make me so uncomfortable. I looked over to Oikawa.

Oikawa looked terrified as well...

"Well me and Him are gonna stretch together so you can go back to doing whatever you were doing." I took hold of Oikawa and drug him to the locker room to change. 

"I... thank you." He seemed... weak. Oikawa isn't weak. So why does he seem that way now.

"Are you good?"

"Yeah. Of course! Silly Iwa-chan. I just didn't want to talk then. You know my headache and all." We quickly changed to head out.

"Come on Iwa-chan! I know you can reach past your toes. Don't stretch sloppily! You'll get cramps." Stupid fucking...

"I am stretching, Dumbass! I'm just sore from yesterday."

"Oikawa! Iwa!" Makki came running over with Mattsun walking behind him. 

"What?"

"After practice do you guys wanna go out?"

"Umm..." I started but was quickly cut off by Oikawa.

"I can't. I have to be home tonight." Of course he can't go. He hasn't been able to go anywhere lately. Yet somehow he could go out last night. He doesn't make time for us.

"Expected. Iwaizumi. What about you?" Mattsun said what we were all thinking but when he said it it felt mean. Is that how I sound?

"What do you mean expected? What part of me not going is expected?" He seemed slightly offended at what Mattsun had said but mostly I knew he was annoyed he had said anything at all.

"Well you don't really hang out with us like you used to." He's not wrong but it was still an awkward conversation.

"I'm just busy a lot."

"We know. I'll go though. Where do you want to head to?" 

I tried to get that conversation over as quickly as possible. We started deciding where we would hangout after practice. I couldn't help but feel like we were excluding Oikawa even though I knew we had invited him. He just looked so sad. 

When we left practice and Oikawa started waking the other way I ran up to him.

"Hey!" I took his arm to stop him from moving.

"Hmm? Oh Iwa-chan. I really have to go." He was tugging his arm away, trying to hurry off.

"I know. Just... next time if you have a day open invite us somewhere or tell me. So we can all go out as a group again. Yeah?" I dropped his arm.

"Okay. I'll see you later Iwa-chan. I need to go now."

"Yeah. Bye, Shittykawa."

"Bye bye."

"Iwaizumi!" Mattsun called me over. We went to head out to the convenience store before heading to Makki's house

I hope Oikawa takes me up on inviting us out. I'm not sure he will but I think I feel better now.


	15. Chapter 14

Oikawa Pov

Sunday was my day off as of last night. I hadn't wanted to go anywhere originally but Akaashi had texted me that morning saying he wanted to take me to the release of some new movie. So I'm going out. 

Akaashi arrived at my apartment early in the morning with some clothes he had gotten me. He does that a lot, brings me stuff I mean. This time they were black ripped jeans and a graphic T-shirt from what I'm assuming is the movie we were about to go see. He had me put them on before we left. He seemed bored but I knew he had invited me out to get my mind off of my current situation. I knew that's what all the sudden gifts were too.

"Let's go. The movie starts at eleven and I want to see the previews."

"So why did you pick this movie?"

"You like aliens right? I figured you'd like this." Oh... that was sweet then.

"So we're going to the mall?"

"Mhmm. Why?"

"I think I need to pick something up so I was just checking."

"Are you going to run errands on one of the only times you and I have ever gone out together?"

"Well if you say it like that then no."

"I don't care. We can run errands after the movie."

"Thanks..."

We arrived at the theater just in time. The previews had just started and Akaashi seemed content with where we were sitting. He even bought me popcorn, he was being surprisingly nice. And I was glad of it. 

The only thing bugging me was whoever was staring at me from a few rows behind us. That was really getting to me.

"Akaashi... I think someone is looking at us." I leaned over and whispered to him trying not to attract attention.

"What?"

"A few rows back someone is looking at us."

"They probably just like how you look. Calm down."

"Okay." 

When the movie was over we left to go to the rest of the mall. Akaashi let me talk about the movie nonstop after it ended. It was nice being out with him because he honestly didn't care how much I talked. He just wanted me to be having a good time even if he had no interest in what I was saying.

Eventually that all came to an end when someone ran into us.

Iwaizumi Pov

On Friday Mattsun invited Oikawa, Makki and I to go to the movies on Sunday. Makki we knew couldn't go because of his mother, it was her birthday. We invited him anyways. Oikawa was out on jury but eventually he declined.

So imagine my surprise when Oikawa shows up with some guy at the movie theater Mattsun and I were watching. I couldn't focus on a thing that was happening during the movie. All I could think of was what the hell he was doing. Who was that guy he was with? Why did he decline to be with someone else?

As soon as the movie ended they left. Oikawa was a complete chatter box with the guy he was with. That threw me off. He only talks that much about something like this when he's completely comfortable with whoever he is with. Who is this guy? 

I grabbed a hold of Mattsun who was having the same reaction I was. 

"Who the hell is that?" Mattsun said what we were both thinking.

"I have no idea. I've never seen him before."

"Why are they together?"

"I don't know."

"He ditched us for him."

"I know. It's pissing me off." We ran over to them. Both of us confused and upset.

"Hey! Shittykawa!" He stopped in his tracks with the other black haired boy turning around and whispering something in his ear. He calmed down and turned around.

"Hi Iwa-chan! Mattsun!" Why is he acting like that.

"Why are you here?"

"Hmm? What do you mean?"

"You said you couldn't go out today."

"Oh... well I couldn't. My schedule became free last night. Akaashi wanted to take me somewhere."

"So why didn't you tell us?" Mattsun decided to start pressuring too.

"Because our schedules are never simultaneously free. Akaashi lives a bit far. Plus I see you guys everyday."

"So who the hell is he exactly?" Mattsun pressured again. He seemed annoyed at Oikawa's previous statement.

"I'm Akaashi. I believe you met our other two members before? Suga and Kenma? We all worked together. We still keep in contact and like to see eachother. I was having a hard time so I invited Oikawa out. I apologize if it made you feel unwanted. He was covering to make me look better in front of you both. And I appreciate that. It was wonderful meeting you both, I was a bit jealous the other two got to meet you first." I... did not expect that. He looked sincere too and I felt uncomfortable being upset at him any longer.

"Oh... well. It was nice meeting you I guess. I'll see you later Oikawa. Let's go Iwa."

"Yeah. Bye." 

When we left I couldn't help but keep thinking about the way that guy talked. He seemed... trained. Like he knew how to diffuse the situation. Honestly I had gotten that vibe from all three of Oikawa's friends when I first met them. Not to mention they were all incredibly attractive. Maybe Oikawa just attracts pretty people but it's odd for them to all be tutors? Maybe I'm thinking into it too much into it. But maybe Oikawa met them somewhere weird? And then they became tutors? I don't know. It's all messing with my head and I hate it. I wish Oikawa would just tell me everything that's going on instead of having me jump to all these conclusions.


	16. Chapter 15

Oikawa Pov 

As soon as they left I turned to Akaashi. 

"Thank you. Thank you for using your magic powers to make them feel awkward and leave." He laughed at me, it was soft but still a laugh nonetheless.

"They aren't magic Tooru, I just know what people want to hear to diffuse a situation. It's just like Kenma's thing of redirecting someone's attention by flirting with them. Not magic but 9 out of 10 times it works." 

"Whatever it is, thank you. And... did you call me Tooru?" I stopped and realized.

"You said a while ago we could and Suga was the only one who took you up on it. I've been thinking, we're close enough for that so if you want you can call me Keiji as well." Ah, I liked him saying it actually. It made us seem closer.

"Really!? Alright, Keiji it is then. Let's go stop by the super market so I can get groceries." 

"Alright, lead the way." 

Akaashi... Keiji and I got all kinds of things I had been neglecting to buy. I hadn't had enough time to get anything recently so now was as good as ever. I got paid extra this month, that was unexpected so I had room to get things I needed and pay rent. It was kind of nice. The extra cash came from me taking more clients than usual, so I got paid for overtime. I was glad I had worked extra. 

Akaashi dropped me off at home, I took the few bags with what I had bought and got out of his car. 

"Tooru! Call me if you need anything!" 

"Of course! Bye Keiji! See you Monday!" 

When I got to my door Iwa was standing there, waiting for me. 

"Oh... uh Iwa-chan... hi? I didn't expect you here." 

"We need to talk." 

"Umm okay... you're blocking the door though." He looked slightly embarrassed and shuffled to the side. I let us in and went to go start putting stuff away in the fridge that needed to be cool. 

"So, you know that guy from your old job." He questioned while I continued putting stuff away. I did this while I answered him.

"Yeah. He came a while after Suga and I started. He started with Kenma actually." 

"And he calls you by your first name too?" Seriously? This again? I finished putting stuff away and came over to the living space where he was.

"Yeah, that was decided today." He scoffed and turned back to look at me.

"Did anything happen today?" Yeah you kept showing up out of fucking nowhere.

"You're being nosy Iwa-chan. Is there a reason you don't want me hanging out with Keiji?" He stared at me and furrowed his brow.

"It's just like all of a sudden you have all these friends I've never met." Umm yeah, they were a secret. But it's not like he asked about my personal life so I had no obligation to tell him either way.

"Well you've never really asked." 

"So I'm just supposed to ask everytime I want to know something about you?" Is he serious?

"Umm yeah Iwa that's how being friends works. You know how I know so much about you, how I know that the reason you were free today is because last minute your mom cancelled plans to go be with your father so you were left alone. You know why I know that? Because I asked!" I was starting to get annoyed. It had honestly never bothered me before that Iwa-chan was so bad at being in personal relationships. But suddenly it was really pissing me off. 

"Well you could have just told me!" He got upset as soon as I started to get mad. I could see it like a chain reaction that ended with him. Now we were both upset. This rarely happened and I knew that it was going to end poorly. Yes, I couldn't stop myself from snapping back at him.

"So then what?! You could just get mad at me like this? No way in hell was I gonna tell you!" His eyes widened and he yelled again.

"Act like what?! Like I care! Fuck you Oikawa!" Fuck me? Fuck me?! Asshole.

"But you don't care! Not about me anyways. You just care that I didn't tell you! You don't care that I had a job, or that I had new people I liked! You only cared because I didn't tell you and now you're jealous." 

"I am NOT jealous of you!" Liar. He got in my face when he said it and didn't back down.

"You're jealous of Akaashi! I can see it on your face. You don't like that I chose to be with him instead of you today, that bugs you." He looked hurt, still angry but he looked hurt.

"Of course it bugs me, I'm your best friend! You can't just throw that away!" 

"How am I throwing it away? Because they know me better? They only know shit because they asked me Iwa. You didn't ask me shit!" 

"So it wouldn't bug you if I had other friends besides you?" What is he five? We aren't children.

"Obviously not!" 

"What do you even need them for that I can't do?" Everything. I need them for everything.

"WHAT?! I CAN'T HAVE OTHER FRIENDS BESIDES YOU?" 

I saw Iwa's eyes go wide as he picked up his phone and walk out the door slamming it behind him. I was so mad right now at him. Who did he think he was to say shit like that to me? 

He was being a self centered prick and I hated him for it. Dammit! Why did he have to come and ruin my mood. Why couldn't he have just been angry with me in secret like everyone else. Selfish fucking bitch.


	17. Chapter 16

Iwaizumi Pov

Maybe I am jealous of Oikawa's new friends. That he didn't tell me. I still don't see why I had to ask. I mean he shares everything else about his life without prompting so I figured that meant everything. I didn't know I had to ask. I had never had to until now I guess. 

Can I really not do as much for Oikawa as those other people? Does he honestly like them more? I mean... he didn't deny it. He didn't say it wasn't true so maybe... maybe he doesn't need me anymore. 

How long has he had these people with him? How long has he not needed me for? Is that why we talk less? Because he found someone who could satisfy his needs better than I could? Because I couldn't give him what he needed? What does he need that I don't have? I don't get it. I thought he was fine...

Knock 

Knock 

Are my parents home early? They said they'd come back tomorrow. Did something happen? When I got to the door I saw the last person I had expected to be at my house this late at night. 

"Hi. Sorry, I came so late. I should have stopped you earlier." He came. Oikawa came to me. He looked sad and tired and all I wanted was to know why. I couldn't help but feel bad even if I was in my own state of uneasiness. I wanted to help him on instinct. 

"Why are you here so late? It's almost midnight. We have school tomorrow." I looked away from him not wanting to see how dumb I must have looked with all the emotions I was feeling at that moment.

"Well you never did like sleeping in an empty house did you Iwa-chan." He came for that? 

"No one does." 

"I think it's you in particular who doesn't like it Iwa-chan. I also came to apologize though." Oh.

"For what?" 

"For not saying that I don't like my other friends more. For not reassuring you. I feel bad that I didn't tell you then. I just got mad." So... he likes me more then?

"You've never been that upset with me before." I had actually never seen Oikawa that upset with anyone, and definitely not with me. He was barely ever upset at anything I did.

"I know." He seemed... soft, when he a as quiet.

"I honestly didn't think you would come." 

"I couldn't leave you alone when you needed me. I'd be a terrible best friend if I did that." He is being really nice it's kind of gross.

"I guess so. Thanks for coming." 

"Always." 

"So you don't like them more?" 

"Aww you're so insecure Iwa-chan, of course I don't. You're still my favorite." I smirked at his comment. 

"That's disappointing." He gasped and looked wide eyed at me. 

"Rude Iwa-chan! Rude!" 

"Pft. Your face did something dumb when I said that." He covered his face, turning red all over clearly embarrassed.

"You're so mean to me Iwa! Sto-p!" He held out the 'o' in a whiny manner. 

"You're wearing your glasses again?" 

"Well yeah. I figured if I was sleeping over I'd need them in case." He looked nice in his glasses. I preferred him with him glasses on. He looked... real.

"Oh. Well alright then." 

"So are we good Iwa?" I like when he says Iwa better than his stupid Iwa-chan. 

"Yeah, we're good, shittykawa." 

"You ruined the moment! That was supposed to be sweet and you killed it." Why did he point it out. That's such an Oikawa thing to do.

"I did not!" 

"Did too!" He complains so much.

"I did not, you dumbass!" 

"I'm not fighting with you again!" 

"Well neither am I!" 

"You yell a lot." He spoke quietly this time, it seemed to calm us both down when he did that.

"Only because you make me mad a lot." 

"Do I really?" It was funny that he asked that seeing how much I snap at him during practice.

"Yeah, you do a lot of stupid shit and it pisses me off." He still looked confused after I spoke.

"Why?" 

"Because it's not even like you mess up, it's like you do it on purpose." It's true, he does a lot of dumb shit just because. Even though he's smart enough not too. And sometimes it really is just to piss me off.

"Maybe I like making you mad." 

"I'll kill you." He laughed at me again after I said that.

"You can't even reach all the way up to where I am, shorty." I... shorty? I'm barely shorter than him.

"See now I'm pissed off." 

"Maybe the shorter you are the more of a temper you have." He honestly likes making me mad I swear to god I'm not even short.

"What did you say." 

"I said-" I immediately cut him off glaring at him. 

"No I heard you. I heard you and I'm gonna lose it if you say it again." 

"hahaha see it is funny when you get upset." He spoke between breaths, he was laughing so hard.

"I will put you through the floor." He shut up at that. 

A few minutes later Oikawa started complaining again. 

"Iwa-chan I'm tired." 

"then go to sleep." My bluntness struck him and he paused before continuing softer than before.

"But you'll be lonely." 

"So then what do you want?" I looked at him and he seemed like he didn't want to day what he did next.

"You to come sleep with me." Oh.

"Fine. But if you touch me, I'll kill you." We turned to walk to my room to go to bed.

"Noted."


	18. Chapter 17

Oikawa Pov 

The morning after Iwa-chan and I made up he was gone. Well... he was down stairs making breakfast BUT STILL! I couldn't find him anywhere when I woke up. I thought for a moment the aliens had chosen to take him instead of me, I was insanely jealous. I was wrong however... 

"Iwa-chan! You left me all alone upstairs." I came into the kitchen to see what he had been making. 

"Yeah well you looked like you needed to sleep so I didn't wake you." 

"Awe you were worried about me?" 

"No, more like worried that when you woke up and saw you had eye bags you'd complain more." 

"What!?" I scrambled to find something to see my reflection in. I looked at myself in my phone's camera. 

"I don't have eye bags you liar!" 

"No, because I let you sleep." He looked like I should have known that.

"Rude Iwa-chan!" 

"I have breakfast if you want." I had to think for a moment and decide whether or not I was ready to stop being annoyed with him.

"I'll forgive you for food." 

"I don't want your forgiveness." I...

"Then you can't have it." 

"Great. Now eat, we have an hour to be in class by." I haven't gotten ready though.

"Good thing you live close to the school then, because I haven't done my hair." 

"Of course not. Hurry then, if you want to leave with me." 

"I'm eating. I'm eating."

Maybe 20 minutes later Iwa had already gotten dressed and I was still stuck fixing myself up. How does he change so fast?

"I'm doing my hair I'll be right down." 

"Why do you even need to do your hair it looks the same either way." Liar. I look like shit without my hair done.

"It does not and you know that." 

"Sure." Why is he like that?

"Don't 'sure' me it looks different!" 

"If I say it does will you hurry up?" 

"No." I wasn't done.

"Then it looks the same." That's mean.

"Your opinion is invalid." 

"Good." 

"Good?" 

"That means you'll stop asking me about stupid shit late at night." Wait.

"I... I take it back." 

"No, keep it, I don't want it. My opinion is invalid." Wait wait wait.

"Iwa-chan!! I take it back, I take it back. I'll hurry I swear... can I still talk to you when I can't sleep." 

"I assumed you'd do so even if I said no." 

"I guess you're right. I'm done!" I came running down from upstairs.

"Good. You take forever let's go." We started to school

"Not that long." 

"Long enough for us to have 15 minutes till the bell." We can totally make it in 15 minutes.

"We'll be fine." 

"You could spend less time on yourself if you wanted to." That's mean. And true technically, of I absolutely really wanted to but...

"But I don't want to." 

"Of course." 

"Besides, I need to be pretty." 

"For your fans, got it." For my job.

"And for you." 

"I'll kill you." 

"You like me pretty Iwa-chan, don't deny it." He stopped and looked at me angrily.

"I will murder you right here and now I swear to god." 

"No you won't, that's an empty threat Iwa." 

"Oh, I'll murder you. I'll murder you and I won't even cover it up, I'll turn myself in. That's how badly I want to kill you and make you shut up right now." Oh...

"Noted."

We continued our walk to school in silence. We got there before school started like I knew we would. 

"See we aren't late."

"We aren't early either, Mattsun and Makki are here."

"HEY GUYS!" Makki shouted from across the classroom. Great now everyone is looking at us.

"Makki, shut the hell up!" Iwa shouted back as he stomped across class to our seats. I followed silently behind apologizing to the people we disrupted. 

"Oikawa someone left something for you on your desk." Mattsun spoke to me while Makki bugged Iwa.

"Oh. Thanks." I picked up what I had been given and examined it. My immediate reaction was to see if it was from Yahaba, that had made me scared even knowing that it was a possibility. I opened up the envelope first leaving the candy on my desk. 

Oikawa,

I've totally fallen in love with you after seeing your last volleyball game... 

I continued to skim read to the end.

Xx,   
Naomi (Class 3D)

Oh. It's a girl. Well she didn't ask to meet so I guess I have no obligation to follow up then. I've gotten love letters from boys before but I think they were jokes. It's always nice to get stuff like this but also a bit weird especially since I have no clue who Naomi is. 

"Who was it from?" Iwa leaned over to look.

"I don't know."

"So not someone you're planning on going out with?" He looked back up at me.

"No. I've never met them. Do you want the candy?" He shook his head.

"No, give it to Makki." Makki looked up at the sound of his name.

"Makki here. Catch." I tossed it his way and he caught it with ease.

"Another fangirl has gotten her heart broken by Oikawa. Tragic." Mattsun teased.

"Yeah, the Captain is merciless." Makki added. I used to love when they called me that. It made me feel important. It made me feel valued. But now...

Now the word "Captain" is tainted. All I can think of is how Yahaba says it when he wants something. When he's about to touch me. It made me feel sick when he said it. I had never expected other things to be ruined for me that weren't my body and pride.


	19. Chapter 18

Oikawa pov

I have work in 20 minutes, I came early to prep myself for my client... date. I should really start calling him a date before he shows up and I sound official. I'd say I look pretty enough for this guy, I mean he wanted to go out based on my photo and it's not for an event or anything so I'd say it's fine. I don't know if this guy is into me or just looking to hook up. We'll see in the next half hour what type of guy Akiteru is. 

"Oikawa if you weren't poor I'd hate you for taking away all the good clients." Suga teased. 

"What do you mean good clients?" 

"You always get the more attractive clients, have you not noticed?" Honestly no, no I hadn't. 

"I don't really look at them to gage their attractiveness sorry." I honestly don't look at anybody.

"Ah. You know you get more clients in general too." That's true. I get the most clients out of everyone who works here.

"I know, sorry." 

"It's fine. Your school costs more anyways... hey, how old is the guy picking you up today? He looks kinda young." My school costs way more. And it would be on the same level with Kenma and Akaashi if they didn't live together. That cuts their costs a lot. Not to mention what else they've done to pay less for school.

"He's 22." Suga looked surprised when I said that.

"Really? He looks our age honestly." 

"Well maybe it'll be easier for us to talk then." 

"He's young so maybe do the nicer approach of your usual routine." Of course he'd ask that.

"It's not a routine, it's different each time. But, I'll be nice depending on what he says to me." I should get going. I have to be there soon.

"Of course. Hey, you should head out you have 15 minutes to be at the restaurant." 

"Yeah I just noticed. See you later Suga! Tell Akaashi thanks if I get back after he does." 

I left and started down the main street to where he had us meeting. It was a nice restaurant downtown and it would take me about 10 minutes from where I am now to get to. I finally got there and the man I was meeting was already at a table waiting like he said he would be. 

At least he's punctual. 

"Oikawa, right?" 

"That's me." 

"Great, hi, welcome umm I ordered us drinks already if that's okay." He's harmless. Good.

"Ah. What did you get me?" 

"It's melon soda. I like it, it's popular so I figured you might too. If you don't we can get something else." I've never had that. I think Iwa likes it though.

"No, no. I do, I like melon soda as well. Thank you, you're very sweet." I smiled at him and he started to blush. Good. 

"I'm glad." Now I start.

"So, Akiteru-san... is that alright? If I call you Akiteru-san?" 

"Of course." Excellent.

"Then Akiteru-san, what do you like to do for fun?" 

"I play volleyball. Less however than I used to but it's still nice. I go and see my brother's games a lot now though." Something I can talk about, thankfully.

"Oh? You play volleyball? I do too, how coincidental. You said you see your brother's games, he plays too?" 

"Yeah, he's a middle blocker. He's really good actually." A middle Blocker? So not all that talented.

"Is he? That must make watching him exciting. Tell me are you close with your brother?" 

"I try to be. We used to be really close but I'd say we're getting there again." There it is. 

"You must be a wonderful big brother. I would have loved to have a brother like you when I was younger." 

"Oh... oh thank you." He looked slightly embarrassed but I knew I was flattering him. I knew he liked it. So I continued. 

"I'm not sure we would have gotten along as siblings, I could never have my older brother looking more attractive that I do. I'd get jealous, especially if they looked like you." He was flustered, that's good. I promised Suga I'd do the nice version of my routine if he was polite and he is. 

All of us have some sort of secret ability, an ace up our sleeve that no one knows about. None of them are obscure or anything, I'm sure anyone could do it if they tried. The only difference if the rate at which it works for us. I'm admittedly not the best out of the 4 of us at using my own ability but I am good enough to have the most customers. Akaashi is the best out of us four. His ability to know exactly what someone needs to hear to diffuse a situation works 100% of the time. It's never failed and that alone is insane. Next, is Kenma with his 90% success rate. Kenma knows how to flirt with people to make them forget their original goal, it's the most fun to watch in my opinion. Suga's ability which I've never seen in action is a mystery to us. He keeps getting customers though so whatever it is must be good.

And then there's me. The way Akaashi described what i do was "Oikawa, to get what he wants from someone, flatters them or subtly puts them down." He isn't wrong. It's exactly what I do. It usually works. And tonight it will work yet again. 

"I wouldn't say I'm attractive." 

"Really? Earlier a few girls were staring at you. I think they found you handsome. But maybe the prettiest people are the ones who don't realize they are. Maybe that's what makes them pretty." He was awkward and that meant it was easy to compliment him. Easy t make him believe those compliments were true.

"Maybe." Change the subject.

"What are you majoring in?" 

"I'm a nursing major. I decided that after I realized I liked helping people. It makes me happy." Helping people... of course he does.

"Ah, then why not a doctor?" 

"The nurses work more closely with the patients." He really is a nice guy, isn't he. That's kind of annoying. 

"Of course, that's rather sweet actually. For you to devote yourself so wholly to people you haven't even met yet. It's touching." 

"I never thought of it that way actually. I'm glad you think so though, I'd like to impress you." It takes more than a degree and a pretty face to impress me. Try again.

"Then you've succeeded."


	20. Chapter 19

Oikawa Pov

The night went on with Akiteru flirting with me, thinking I was into him. He believed I truly did find him attractive and smart and caring. Some people are so easily trapped into believing any compliment they hear about themselves, it's kind of sad. I exploit that weakness for money, so really it is just sad for them. It's always nice to know there are still people who are easily taken advantage of in the world. Whatever, it's not like I did my other routine so he has no room to complain. 

I only did this routine because Suga said i should if he was nice. And he was... nice and gullible. Suga hates my other routine, he says I break down the person and make them hurt. He isn't wrong. But, it's how I get my regular customers. They think I'm the only one who can give them validation eventually. My boss gave the okay because I haven't gotten any complaints. Suga says it's cruel, so I do it less often now. 

"Akiteru, it was wonderful being out with you tonight." I stood up from the table we were at.

"Ah. Is it time already?" He seemed surprised, of course he doesn't want me to leave.

"I'm afraid so, I'd stay longer if there weren't people expecting me." A lie. I would never.

"Of course, get home safely." 

"I will, thank you for everything." I kissed his cheek as I said goodbye leaving him more flustered than before. 

I got tipped 10% of what he paid for me that night. I did well. 

When I got back to the office Keiji was still there. 

"Keiji!" 

"Tooru." Suga's head snapped up from his computer at our greetings. 

"So you finally got to calling eachother by your first names? Let me in on it." 

"You want us to call you Koushi?" Keiji asked, to clarify Suga's statement. 

"Yes." 

"Okay, hey then don't we all technically go by our first names? All four of us." I spoke up realizing what was already obvious. 

"Yes, you are correct." Keiji spoke calmly to us. 

"Hey, where is Kenma?" 

"Kenma isn't working tonight. He has extra practice because he's been skipping to come here. And on other days when I don't have practice to do extra work." He spoke with his eyes avoidant of us, focused on his phone instead.

"What extra work?" Koushi asked, back. I knew what he meant and i wasn't sure Koushi would like what the next answer was. 

"Kenma and I take extra jobs besides here. Our schools are expensive and so is being in the city. The lessened 'abandonment' funds aren't enough for us to just have one job. You know that. You've seen our bills before, Koushi." I had heard about their extra work from Kenma before. The first time he told me about it my heart sank, I had felt completely sick. I felt awful I couldn't help them more. The only upside was that with the extra jobs they made more than even so they could buy extra stuff, like games for Kenma and books and manga for Keiji. I knew Koushi's heart would break for them just as mine had. 

"Keiji... what exactly do you and Kenma do outside of working here?" Koushi looked scared when he asked that. Like he already knew what he was going to say. 

"Kenma and I sell ourselves." 

"What do you mean?" 

"Like, for sex. We get paid quite a bit because of how we look, so it helps a lot." Koushi's face fell as soon as he heard the third word Keiji had said. He looked just as I had, concerned, sick, and completely awful. I knew what he was thinking, I knew exactly what he was thinking. 

"Look Koushi, I know what I'm doing. Kenma and I both talked it out before we started. It's been worse for us, it doesn't matter anymore, it's already been done. We've already been touched and tainted. I know what you're thinking, I know you feel bad. Don't. Look we both get to do what we want by doing this so it's not that bad." 

"Do you like it?" Koushi spoke looking intensely and Keiji. Peering into his eyes. 

"What?" 

"I said. Do. You. Like. It?" 

"Of course not." 

"Then what the FUCK are you doing? I could have helped you. We could have helped you. Oikawa and I would have done anything to avoid you being in this situation." Koushi was yelling at this point and for the third time ever I saw Akaashi get genuinely upset.

"What would you have done? What? You don't have a vast amount of money Koushi. We all know that, we're all in the same situation. It's not like we could have lived with you like Oikawa did, we couldn't have commuted like that everyday. It's not like having sex with someone we didn't like was new for either of us. It's not like we chose something we couldn't have gone through with. We know what we're doing. You don't have to pretend like it's a good situation, that's not what I'm asking but don't tell me it's a bad choice. I already know what I chose, it doesn't matter anymore." 

"Keiji... I can't help but be worried about you two." 

"I know." 

"So Tooru already knew?" 

"He did. He took it well, he offered to help as well. He didn't get mad though." 

"Sorry." 

"So how many people have you actually slept with?" That's something I honestly didn't want to know. I knew it was a lot. I knew they had slept with a large amount of people. I also knew Kenma had called me after every single one after he told me. He had slept with five people when he told me, five as customers that is. I knew Kenma cried after most of them. I knew he felt disgusting after, that he scrubbed his skin furiously after, that he didn't sleep because of it. I knew Kenma had dreams that made him wake up crying, that it was good Akaashi was there to comfort him but that that wasn't always enough. I knew that when Akaashi's customers came over and they had sex in the room next to Kenma's he wore head phones and blasted music as to not hear it. I knew he wasn't used to it even now. I knew he had more customers than Akaashi because people preferred Kenma's femininity. I knew Kenma hated that about himself. I knew Akaashi didn't know how to help. And I knew whatever number Akaashi was about to give, that Kenma's was larger by at least 10. 

"36." Oh my god. Oh my god. I feel sick. I feel like crying. 

"So... so Kenma's is?" I stuttered out. I could tell crying was going to make Akaashi feel bad and I was trying so hard not to cry right now. I asked even though I truly didn't want the answer. 

"Umm I think 49 or 50? Kenma has customers over when I'm not there a lot. So I'm not sure." He answered so bluntly it made me feel deeply sad for him. I knew Akaashi was holding in all his emotions. I knew that's why we had never seen him cry, I knew he wanted to be strong. If not for himself then for Kenma. I knew he was always putting everyone before himself, not because he didn't care for himself but because we all were truly weaker than he was. We all couldn't possibly compare to how strong he was, how well he handled everything. 

"When did you both start doing this?" Koushi asked clearly having thought about the number and wondering how many times a week this must have been for them to get such a high number. 

"We started before we came here. The money we were making from it wasn't enough. That's why we work here." Oh god. That long? I guess that makes the number less large for what the time and job is. 

"Keiji, if you or Kenma ever decide you want to stop. I will help. I will help in anyway I possibly can." Koushi went over to hug Keiji. For someone who has multiple jobs having to do with contact he really does hate affection. 

"Thank you, but I think if we ever decide to stop it'll be after college when we can get jobs that make enough to pay for things we need. But I appreciate you both. Thank you." 

Ring... 

Ring... 

I looked at my phone and realized I was getting a call. 

Incoming Call... 

Kenma


	21. Chapter 20

Oikawa Pov

Incoming Call...

Kenma

"Sorry, I'm getting a call. I'm gonna go outside to take it. Be right back." I hurriedly went outside and answered.

Kenma

"Kenma, are you there?"

"Oh... you picked up."

"I did. Are you okay?"

"I had a client for my uh... other job earlier. And... can I talk?" Oh. It's one of these.

"Yeah. I'm alone. Go ahead."

"I... he. Dammit. I hated it. I mean... I always hate it. I'm just so mad about it and I... fuck! Oikawa..." He kept trailing off. I knew he was upset about what had happened. I knew he wouldn't sleep tonight. I knew he felt awful, I knew he was mad at himself. I never knew what to say to him when he felt like this.

"How long was it?"

"He paid for 2 hours." Oh god.

"Oh... that's longer than usual."

"It is."

"Did he pay extra from the set rate at least?"

"Yeah. 15% He wasn't necessarily a bad person besides the fact that he liked 16 year old boys. I mean he kept asking if I was okay. It felt disgusting."

"You hated it because he was nice?"

"Yes! He kept acting like my lover or something. I was so fucking disgusted. I've never been in love with anyone I've had sex with you know?" I get it now.

"I know."

"So why was he acting like he didn't pay to do whatever he wants? Why was he acting like that's not what he paid for? Like I was there to have a good time? It's so fucking stupid."

"How did it feel this time?"

"Like how was he?" He breathed in heavily and continued on a rant.

"I didn't cum. It was two hours of this guy touching me. And I didn't ejaculate once. Do you know how fucking bad you have to be to make it so your partner doesn't cum after 2 hours? He kept touching my chest like I was gonna get turned on by that shit. God, he was so fucking bad."

"He sounds bad." I felt weird talking right now but I'm sure Kenma didn't need or want my comments.

"Well he was. He kept going 'how does it feel?' 'Is that good?' 'I bet you like that.' And I kept responding 'oh yeah.' 'do it again' 'come on' like a fucking slut. I'm pretty sure they all think I like it. How stupid do you have to be to not be able to see through what we do as a job? God I'm such a prick." I knew what he meant. I do it all the time to my customers.

"You are, but so am I. Maybe it's just the circumstances but i don't think I'd be any different even if I had money and didn't need this job."

"Yeah, you're right. You are a fake bitch." I'm a... he's right but it's still mean.

"Kenma!"

"hahaha sorry. Thanks for always letting me call."

"Always. I like helping, anything for you to be some sort of okay."

"Right. I'm gonna shower and disinfect myself. I'll call you after. Thanks."

"Of course. Bye, talk then."

~ End Call ~

I went back inside to say goodbye to the rest of the team.

"Hey hey! I'm gonna head home. Okay?"

"Mhmm. See you Wednesday." Suga waved me off.

"See you then with Kenma." Akaashi confirmed, knowing that would have been my next question.

"Okay. Bye bye."

I walked out and left them to their own conversations. My walk home was silent. It was late at night and all the people who usually were out now were somewhere else.

When I got home I realized I had several texts from different people. No Kenma yet. That was good, I didn't want to have missed his call. 

~

1 new Message from Mattsun

2 new Messages from Iwa-chan

1 new Message from Sugamama and 2 others

~

That's a lot. I don't want to have to talk to anyone right now.

Incoming Call...

Kenma

"Hey? Did you finish?"

"Ye- yes. I'm done."

"Is it... less gross?"

"Yeah. Akaashi got me something new and it smells nice."

"That's good. He should be heading your way soon, just so you know."

"I know. He texted me."

"How are you then?"

"The same as always."

"I'm sorry."

"It's fine. I'm fine. I'm- I'm sorry."

"Hey, hey why are you sorry? You're okay. Don't be sorry." I tried consoling him the best I could. At times like this I wished Suga was instructing me.

"Oikawa... when I'm in my room with these men I've never met I feel.... I feel alone. I feel like no one is there for me and it's just me and my bad decisions." I know what he meant. I knew exactly what he meant. I had felt it before. I felt it when Yahaba pushed me on the bed. I felt it when he touched me. I knew what he meant, and I knew that he must be scared.

"Kenma... I know."

"I'm sorry you know. Do you think... do you think Akaashi feels the same?"

"Do I think he feels alone?"

"Yeah."

"I think... I think Akaashi feels alone. I'm sure he does but I also think he prefers it that way. I think that if he wanted your help he'd ask. I think that's how he is, and that he might prefer being alone and that's why he hasn't asked." Kenma is more worried about Akaashi than himself. Even though at the time Akaashi should be fine.

"He does a lot for me you know. I think I don't do enough."

"I'm sure he likes helping you though."

"Maybe..."

"Iwa-chan helps me a lot too. And a lot of the time I can't give anything back because he doesn't really need my help. Don't feel bad. I think it's just how they are."

"Okay."


	22. Chapter 21

Oikawa Pov 

I got several texts this morning from someone. I've yet to check them because I'm almost late to school. I got to class on time, thankfully. However, Iwa-chan, Makki and Mattsun were already there. 

"Good Morning sleeping beauty. That was a grand entrance." Of course Makki would start off teasing me. How fantastic is that. 

"I got up on time. I just was moving slow this morning." 

"Ah. You should have gone with speed racer then, Makki." Mattsun backed up Makki on their mission to ruthlessly tease me. 

After class we went on break for a short while. I finally got time to check my phone. 

3 new messages from Yahaba 

~

Yahaba 

Yahaba: Good Morning, I have a request for you.

Yahaba: Tonight, after practice I want you to come over.

Yahaba: You'll do that won't you? 

Shit. Shit, shit, shit. Not only did I not respond for a long time which he'll definitely be upset about but I can't even meet him tonight. 

Oikawa: Sorry! Sorry, I'm responding so late, I had a hectic morning. 

Oikawa: I... I actually can't do tonight. I apologize. 

Yahaba: And why's that? 

Oikawa: I have work tonight, so I can't. 

Yahaba: Then cancel. 

I can't cancel. He knows that. He knows that, he... he does.

Oikawa: I can't. We can meet another time. 

Yahaba: Fine, then. 

~

What does that mean? "Fine"? That makes me incredibly nervous.

"Hey? Are you good? You look nervous?" I jumped at Iwa-chan's voice. 

"I'm good. Sorry. Just thinking about practice tonight is all." That wasn't a lie. I was thinking about the fact that practice tonight would be hell. That I have no idea if Yahaba is taking my idea or if he's going to mess with me. 

"Oh. Do you have something planned?" For what?

"Of course I have something planned. I'm in charge."

"You don't look like you have anything planned." Oh... for Volleyball...

"Shut up. I have it under control." I have nothing planned. 

I looked over to what Iwa was working on. He was drawing. 

"Hey, what's that!" It looked really good. I always loved Iwa's drawing abilities. I have all the ones he gave me in a box.

"Stop looking over my shoulder. I hate that." He turned and slightly closed his book he was drawing with so I wouldn't be able to see it.

"Sorry... is it me?" It was defiantly me.

"Yeah. It's you." Oh? He was honest. 

"You made me look nice."

"Because that's what you look like." What? Wait...

"You think I look nice?"

"Did I say that, dumbass?" Kind of.

"Not directly no. But you hinted at it."

"I don't think you look anywhere near acceptable." Somehow him teasing me no longer bothers me.

"So like super gorgeous?"

"Can you shut the fuck up? I'm trying to draw." He dare opened his book and continued.

"That's mean. I thought you'd want to talk to your best friend." I pouted trying to get Iwa to look at me.

"Who would want to talk to you?"

"So many people Iwa-chan. So many people." And I don't want to talk to any of them.

"I know. It's annoying. Several girls asked me to pass messages to you earlier." I know Iwa-chan hates when people ask him about me. He always thinks they're annoying and complains about it after.

"Sorry."

"It's fine. I chose to be your friend." That's not what I thought he'd say.

"Thanks for that."

"Can you not thank me for being a decent person? It makes me feel like shit." I guess I feel the same when Kenma does that to me.

"Ah. Then, as expected of my best friend." I tried to tease him but he seemed indifferent right now.

"I hate that I talk to you sometimes."

"No you don't we're best friends for a reason Iwa-chan." 

Class started again soon. I spent the time taking notes and watching Iwa draw. I had been so preoccupied over the last few weeks that I hadn't really had time to think about Iwa. I had seen him, spoke to him, we even technically hung out sure, but I barely thought about him as of late. 

I used to think about Iwa a lot, I used to think about all kinds of things I now knew about him. He was... someone important to me. He used to be the only person who was important to me. He was the only person I could count on. Maybe I miss just having him even though it's easier when I have my whole team behind me, when I have Makki and Mattsun. 

Other than that school was boring yet incredibly fast. I used to look forward to volleyball practice but now all I can think is that Yahaba is going to be there. And it's worse tonight because I know he's mad at me. I had thought of a plan for practice during lunch. We were supposed to be practicing receives yesterday but that didn't happen, I'm moving it to today. 

"Hey! Shittykawa, change! We're supposed to be in the court setting up in five." Shit. 

"I am changing. I just... spaced out. That's all." 

"Well hurry up. I'm not waiting for you." He started tying his shoes and I hurriedly threw on the rest of my clothes. I tied my shoes as fast as I could and ran to catch up with Iwa. 

"You're slow as hell today." 

"I know. I just have other things on my mind." 

"Well get them out of your head we have practice." 

"I'll try." 

When we got there everyone was waiting for us. Looking expectedly at us to come join the group. Though the atmosphere, was off.


	23. Chapter 22

Iwaizumi Pov 

5 pm

When Oikawa and I walked through the door everyone was silent. They all looked at us as if to tell us to do the same. The silence was annoyingly long.

"Why the hell aren't you all stretching?" I spoke up because Oikawa looked like he was still processing what was going on. I looked to him after and he nodded at me, affirming my decision.

"We had to wait for you both to come out. Yahaba has an announcement." Mattsun explained as simply as possible. 

Why the hell is Yahaba making an announcement to the team? He isn't in charge of anything. He shouldn't have a reason to make an announcement. But... he's never asked for something like this before. And he doesn't cause a lot of trouble so really there's no reason for me to say no other than time commitment.

"Yes, so if you'd let me talk that's be great, Iwaizumi." Yahaba seemed as bitter as usual. I nodded my head, not knowing what he was about to say. I was just hoping whatever it was would be over before the coach came in. 

"Go ahead. Try and finish before the coach arrives." I turned to Oikawa who didn't seem to like what I had just said. He seemed to be hoping I would say anything else. Why didn't he just talk then?

"Oh, I'll be quick you don't have to worry. This is something that has to do with all of us really. Have you all noticed that Oikawa is quick to leave practice?" What? What does that have to do with anything? I looked at Oikawa who looked stark white. 

"Our dear Captain has a job." He continued. No shit, tell us something we don't know.

"Yeah, but he quit a while ago. We all know he used to be a tutor." Makki stated as if he was defending him. Yahaba just snickered at that and continued.

"Is that what he told you? Oikawa, you really could have come up with something better than that to hide your job. Oh... our captain is definitely not a tutor. I know that for a fact." He's not a tutor? What the hell is Yahaba talking about? And why hasn't Oikawa said anything. Why does he look so pale? 

"Oikawa, our dear beloved captain, works most nights and weekends as an escort." I'm sorry? He's... Is he fucking with us?

"Don't play around Yahaba." I tried shutting him up. I tried getting him to stop, it was a cruel joke.

"What's an escort?" Kindaichi asked, clearly confused by the new term. 

"An escort is is someone paid for their time to go out with all kinds of people and do various things. I assure you I'm not lying. An escort like Oikawa for example would let you do anything for the right price, wouldn't he?" Anything... for... the right price? What does he mean anything? Oikawa wouldn't do something like that. He wouldn't... would he? Why is he talking right now?

"And why do you think our captain says no to all the girls at our school? Is it just because they need to pay? Or could it also be because the escort service Oikawa works for..." Oikawa's eyes were wide with fear. He seemed terrified. Terrified for whatever the next work Yahaba was going to say. "is a gay escort service." 

Oikawa... is homosexual? Why didn't he just come out. I had assumed he was straight till he kissed Yahaba. I had assumed he only liked women. I guess it was odd he had turned down so many girls however. I guess it made sense he liked boys. I had listened to him talk about male actors he liked before but I didn't... I didn't think he was gay. 

"He'll let you touch him too. If you say the right thing that is. I don't think anything is off the table. In fact I think if you paid enough he'd let you go all the way... if you're a boy." He'd... he'd let someone pay for something like that? Why? 

Why would Oikawa let someone pay for something that gross? Why does he even work at a place like that? Why is Oikawa not saying anything? Usually he'd tell someone off or make it a joke. Why is he just standing there with that stupidly scared expression on his face? Is all of it true? Why isn't he saying anything if it isn't? Is this seriously why he leaves as soon as practice is over? Why he never hangs out with us? Where his new friends are from? How young is that place hiring? Two of Oikawa's new friends are younger that us? When did Oikawa start? Why didn't he tell me if it's true? I could've... I could've... he should have told me. 

I kept looking to him for some sign of what to do. For him to give me some directive. For what he wanted me to do. He always has a plan, so give me something. A look, anything. I'll know what to do if you just look at me. I needed something from him at that moment. I needed anything from him.

What I mostly wanted right then was for him to start talking. Please start talking, I hate it when you're silent. Dammit, Oikawa talk. Say something, say anything. Just tell him he's wrong. Tell him he's wrong and we can start practice. Just ignore it like you usually do. Come on... come on laugh or something. Don't look like that. You need to say something. I can't stand looking at you so silent and cold right now. Oikawa...

"So Oikawa... do you have anything to say?"


	24. Chapter 23

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the last chapter repeated in Oikawa's pov

Oikawa Pov

5 pm

When Iwa and I walked into the gym our entire team was standing in a circle. They were all dead silent. They turned to us as soon as we walked in. Why are they not talking? 

"Why the hell aren't you all stretching?" Iwa spoke up. I guess I was stunned. I guess I hadn't responded. He looked at me confirming his decision and I nodded. Why the hell weren't they stretching? 

"We had to wait for you both to come out. Yahaba has an announcement." Mattsun spoke up. He ended the team's silence. 

Yahaba... Yahaba has an announcement. I felt the sudden need to be quiet and still. Why is he making an announcement? Why is it at practice? Why is he looking at me like that? Why is he smirking?

"Yes, so if you'd let me talk that's be great, Iwaizumi." Yahaba spoke, looking at Iwa and then me. There was venom in his words. 

Iwa... say no. Say no for me. Please, please, please. Say no, no one can hear what he's about to say. Say no, say... 

"Go ahead. Try and finish before the coach arrives." Anything else. Why would you say that? No, no, no. 

"Oh, I'll be quick you don't have to worry. This is something that has to do with all of us really. Have you all noticed that Oikawa is quick to leave practice?" Yahaba... stop. Please don't. I looked at him, my eyes pleading. Asking him to stop. I'd do anything for him to stop. I needed him to stop talking. I can't.. I can't, I can't. 

"Our dear Captain has a job." Stop. Stop, stop. Don't. Please... I can't believe this is happening. I... 

"Yeah, but he quit a while ago. We all know he used to be a tutor." Makki spoke, defensive for me. He doesn't know. They don't know. He's going to hate me. Yahaba laughed at Makki's statement and continued. 

"Is that what he told you? Oikawa, you really could have come up with something better than that to hide your job. Oh... our captain is definitely not a tutor. I know that for a fact." I can't believe this is how it's going to happen. I can't believe they're all about to find out. I had hidden it so well. I had done everything for them not to know. I can't breath. I feel sick. 

"Oikawa, our dear beloved captain, works most nights and weekends as an escort." There it is. That's the secret. They all know. They all know. They all fucking know! Dammit! I wan't ready. 

"Don't play around Yahaba." Iwa tried, seeming to think it was a joke. God, I wish it was a joke. I wish all of this wasn't happening. 

"What's an escort?" Kindaichi was confused about all that was going on. Please don't ask him anything. Can everyone stop talking, please. 

"An escort is is someone paid for their time to go out with all kinds of people and do various things. I assure you I'm not lying. An escort like Oikawa for example would let you do anything for the right price, wouldn't he?" Yes... I would... I would. I would, for the right price. 

"And why do you think our captain says no to all the girls at our school? Is it just because they need to pay? Or could it also be because the escort service Oikawa works for..." Stop. No. You've said enough. They don't all need to know. They already hate me enough. Please stop. 

"is a gay escort service." And then time seemed to slow for a moment. I've heard that some moments can feel like they last for forever. And this was it for me. As soon as Yahaba said those words everything slowed infinitely. I felt like I was watching everyone's eyes flicker slowly between Yahaba and I. I felt their judgement. I felt their stares. I knew they thought I was disgusting. 

"He'll let you touch him too. If you say the right thing that is. I don't think anything is off the table. In fact I think if you paid enough he'd let you go all the way... if you're a boy." Don't say that. Don't say that about me. Don't explain it. Just stop. 

I just need everything to stop. I need it all to stop. I can't... I can't handle this all right now. I feel so empty. I feel so judged. I could feel everyone's eyes. I could feel them cutting into my skin, wondering where it had been. Wondering who I've touched. Wondering what I'd done. 

I felt one person's gaze in particular. Iwa kept staring at me. He kept looking at me hoping for something I could not give him. He wanted my words. Mostly for me to tell him it was all a lie. I knew that that was what he wanted most at this point in time. But I couldn't lie to him now. Not like this. 

His eyes were wide, asking for anything. Iwa was often good at dealing with things by himself but right now, right now all he needed was for me to speak. And I couldn't give him that. I couldn't give him anything. All I could do was stand there, shocked and scared. Absolutely petrified. I had never wanted to disappear so badly before. I felt sick, I felt cold, I felt all kinds of things but my brain was on hyper drive and I was going through all my thoughts incredibly fast. Dealing with them as soon as they came up. My brain had numbed everything I was feeling for just one moment.

"So Oikawa... do you have anything to say?" 

I did not. I had nothing to say. So I did the only thing I could think of in that moment. What I had wanted to do from the beginning. 

I ran.


	25. Chapter 24

Oikawa Pov 

I ran. I ran as fast as I could, I ran as far as I could knowing the shock would make it harder for them to process and be quick enough to find me. I hadn't even taken off my Volleyball shoes. I had left everything besides my phone in the locker room. I took off my Volleyball shoes when I couldn't breath anymore. I hadn't wanted to damage them but I didn't know what else to do. I didn't know what else to do. 

So I did all I could in that moment. I pulled myself together enough to do one thing.

I called Suga. 

Calling... Sugamomma 

"Tooru? You don't have work for an hour and a half. Aren't you at practice?" Don't ask me that. Please don't ask me that now.

"I need you to cancel my appointment." 

"What?" Just say yes. I just need you to say yes to me.

"I can't come in today. Can someone cover?" 

"Hey are you okay? You sound kind of void." Stop asking me questions! Stop... please 

"Can someone cover or not?" 

"I can cover, I was just doing stuff in the office today. You're lucky." Good. I won't be bothering them when I don't show up.

"Thank you. I'll see you tomorrow then. Sorry for the inconvenience." 

End call 

I went home. To my apartment. I took the extra key from the front desk. And as soon as I got into my apartment and closed the door I broke. 

How could I have let that happen? How could I have not talked the entire time? How could I have let it go down like that? Why didn't I say anything? Why didn't I... dammit. 

I could feel myself shaking. I could feel my lungs start to hurt. I could feel my heart start to hurt. 

"I can't breath." 

I'm a horrible horrible person. And now everyone knows it. 

Incoming Call... 

Iwa-chan 

I pressed decline and it showed up a few seconds later. I threw my phone hoping it might break. Hoping anything would break. That that would make me feel better. 

It didn't. I felt worse. My chest hurt so much in this moment. I felt an indescribable amount of pain. I could barely breath. I just wanted everything to end. 

I wanted to start over, I would have done it all differently if I could. Maybe I wouldn't have done it at all. 

I shouldn't have taken his appointment. I shouldn't have joined the agency. I shouldn't have come out to my mother. I shouldn't have done a lot of things that I did. 

I've failed myself, myself and everybody else. 

Stop shaking. Stop shaking. STOP IT!

I'm really alone... That thought won't get out of my head. That when I go back to school I'll be all alone. No one will be there for me. Everyone will judge me. They'll all know by tomorrow. They'll no and I will truly be alone for the first time in a while. 

Breathe. Just breathe. It's fine. You're fine. Just stop. Just... stop.

Maybe it's better this way. I've never really liked anyone, maybe it's okay that they don't like me as well. I think it's true that I am better alone. I've heard people say that before and I always thought it was silly before but now... Now I really think that I am better by myself. 

Stop crying. Stop it. You fucking piece of shit, stop it. Dammit! Dammit! Why am I crying?

Who would love me now? I don't think I'd believe them if they told me they did. That they love me regardless of my job and sexuality. I'd think them stupid. Because... because if I wasn't in the position I'm in I would have judged someone like me in a second. That's how I know they don't like me. 

Come on. Come on. Just get it together. Dammit Tooru you useless piece of shit. GET IT TOGETHER DAMMIT!!

I'm going to be alone and no one will be there for me. Suga, Kenma and Akaashi will all be at their own schools. They can't help me now. 

You can't even stop crying. What are you going to do alone at school? You really think you can handle that? 

I don't want to be alone. I don't want people to hate me. I want... I want it to be how it was. 

It's not! It's not gonna be how it was! So shut the fuck up, stop shaking. You're overreacting. Stop it.

I'm... I'm worthless now. Without my reputation I'm nothing. I have nothing without that. I'm worthless, I'm worthless. No one wants me... 

Please just stop shaking...

No one wants me... oh. I guess it's time. 

I went across the room to where I had previously thrown my phone. I decided to do the only thing that made sense for someone of my stance to do in this moment.


	26. Chapter 25

Oikawa Pov 

I decided to text the only person I could think of at that moment. I had hit rock bottom. I had lost my team, my dignity, I had lost everything. Everyone hated me. 

At that moment I knew exactly what I was worth. 

~

Ushijima (From Work) 

Oikawa: 

I have my price. 

Ushijima: 

Oh? You're up late. 

If you give me your number, I'll bring it over and we can to it tonight. 

Oikawa: 

Yes. Okay. 

200,000 yen 

Ushijima: 

Are you sure you don't want more? 

You're very pretty, and for what I'm planing on us doing that seems cheap for someone of your caliber. 

Oikawa: 

I appreciate that but no. It's more than what it would cost for a regular prostitute anyways. 

I'd feel like I was cheating you if you gave me more. 

Ushijima: 

Okay, give me your address. I'll be over. 

Oikawa: 

Okay. See you soon. 

~

As soon as I sent him my address I started feeling nervous. I knew I could have asked for more, I knew he would have given me more but at this point in time I had not had sex that I could genuinely remember. 

I started to get ready, wanting to look somewhat like I hadn't been crying and like I put effort into whatever we were going to do next. I changed my clothes too even though I knew whatever I put on would be on the floor soon enough.

He came 20 minutes later at 11 pm. He looked nice from what I could tell. He must have changed as well. 

"Oikawa." He greeted in his stoic tone.

"Ushijima."

"This is for you, let's start." He handed me the amount in cash. And I quickly put it away.

"My bedroom is this way." I led him to where we would be spending our night.

"Do you live alone?" He noticed.

"Yes. Umm I uses to live with my parents but not anymore." 

"Well I guess that's better for us then." I laughed slightly at what he said knowing he hadn't meant it as a joke or even to ease the tension.

"Yeah it is better for us." I sat on my bed. Not knowing exactly what to do.

"Are you absolutely sure you're okay with what we're about to do?" He asked making sure for the last time.

"I'm absolutely sure." I had thought it through. This was the time for me to let go and do something that was worthy of my person.

"Okay." He sat down next to me, he quickly put his lips on mine biting my bottom lip. I was shocked by the action even though it made sense for what we were doing. I had honestly only ever kissed 2 people before this. 

He stuck his tongue into my mouth searching it and becoming familiar. It felt odd to have someone else's tongue in my mouth. 

I tried kissing back feeling incompetent compared to what he was doing. 

He stuck his hand under my shirt and reached around to touch my chest. He started lifting my shirt off over my head not breaking the kiss except for the breath moment my shirt covered my face. 

My eyes had been closed during most of the encounter. I opened them when his lips moved to my neck. He began to leave marks down my neck and chest. I realized his shirt had been removed as well. I felt stupid sitting there letting him mark my body. 

He began unzipping my jeans and taking them off. He kept his lips working on my body the entire time. Kissing and sucking on my body going lower each time. When my jeans were finally off he was quick to take off his own. He sat in front of me touching anywhere he felt like, feeling up my body. 

"Let me touch you." He breathed, clearly feeling a bit warm from being the only one taking initiative in our action. 

"You can touch me anywhere you like." He took that as the invitation it was and took off all remaining clothes we had. 

I noticed his size and felt even smaller that I previously had next to him. He took to pushing my legs apart and kissing my inner thighs. I felt tingly and odd in a pleasant sense. 

He took notice of how I felt and continued in toward my dick making sure not to touch it. 

When he finally took hold of me I felt incredibly nervous. He had me lay on the bed as he began to do unspeakable things to me. Things vividly ingrained into my mind. 

I could feel his fingers inside me, wet and warm. I felt somehow, incredibly gross. I had gone through this before but I didn't remember any of it. Is this what Kenma feels like every night that he takes a customer? 

"Are you ready?" So it's actually starting... this is it then. I've heard it's painful. I somehow always thought the first time I had sex that it would be with someone I loved. I had missed that opportunity a while ago. 

"Yes, put it in." It was much larger than I had imagined. I felt it fill my insides, I felt warm yet incredibly cold. The pressure of it all made my insides churn. 

I thought it hurt at first and how wrong I was when he started moving it hurt much more intensely than I could have imagined. He pushed himself into me over and over again. His breath was warm on my neck. 

He could tell it was uncomfortable for me and he slowed down, and began to kiss my neck once more. Now I understood what Kenma meant by hating when his client acted like his lover. This somehow felt much more grotesque than if he had treated me without care. 

He started up harder than before. I wasn't aware if it was pleasure I felt because I had my mind racing the entire time. He pushed himself into me a last time after asking if he could release into me. When I said yes, he did and pulled out shortly after. 

He fell next to me, out of breath. 

I looked at his face, it was full of pleasure and content. I would never forget that face for as long as I lived. It was the face of my first customer. The face of the first person I had sold myself to.


	27. Chapter 26

Oikawa Pov 

I woke up in my bed feeling warmer than usual. When I turned to get up I felt trapped to my bed. I looked beside me to see a man's arms holding me close to them. 

What the fuck? 

Oh... Oh my god. 

That's Ushijima. He stayed over after last night? 

I've never sold myself to anyone but I feel that's not correct. They don't usually stay over do they? I suppose it was late... 

"Ah. You're already awake. Good Morning." He pulled his arms from me and sat up. 

"Umm hi. Good Morning." 

"Can I use your restroom? I need to change and get home." He's acting so normal. Is this what people do after they have sex with eachother? 

"Ye- yes. Umm It's the room next to the kitchen." 

"Great. I'll change and be on my way." He walked out and left me alone. I checked the time. 5:21 am. Okay, I have time. School doesn't start till 7. I'm fine. 

"Oikawa, thank you for last night. If you're available let's plan to do it again." He poked his head into my room to deliver parting words.

"Oh... of course. See you later." I waved him off and he left shortly. 

I had sex last night... 

I slept with Ushijima. 

He paid me for my body. 

200,000 yen. 

I'm worth 200,000 yen. 

I can't believe I slept with him. What would Kenma do? He's done this before. Kenma... well Kenma would call me. 

I hurriedly went and picked up my phone and went to my contacts. 

Calling Kenma... 

"Oikawa? Isn't it early?" Kenma sounded incredibly tired on the other line. He yawned rather softly and almost inaudibly through the phone.

"I had sex." I put it bluntly, still feeling panicked and concerned over it all.

"Uhh good for you?" That was too blunt I guess.

"No. Like. How you do it." 

"How I do it?" He gasped ever so quietly but audible over the phone. "You didn't" 

"I did. You remember the guy that asked me a few months ago?" I tried jogging his memories.

"You didn't... Oikawa... say you didn't" Kenma often had no emotion to his voice but right now I could physically feel everything he was saying and it hurt. 

"Why is it so bad that I did?" 

"Oh... oh god. Oikawa... were you tight on money?" He was trying to wrap his brain around my situation.

"Always but not too much... it's just." 

"It's just what? What could have put you to this point?" He was genuinely concerned and I could tell disappointed in me.

"They know." I squeaked out my voice feeling shaky at the sudden thought of it.

"Who knows?" I breathed in trying to make myself sound strong over the phone.

"My team. Yahaba... he told them." I could feel what little walls left that I had built around myself start to break at the last part of the sentence.

"Oikawa... Tooru... I'm..." I suddenly felt myself start to cry. 

"And... and they all know. And they hate me now." My voice was wet with emotion. I felt so broken thinking about what had happened.

"How do you know that?" 

"Because I would hate me Kenma! I wouldn't have had a second thought about hating me if I was them." I could hear my voice crack. I must have sounded so weak.

"So you finally did it then..." 

"I really did it." 

"For how much?" How much?

"200,000" 

"Oh? He paid that much?" He sounded genuinely surprised at my number.

"He did." 

"Are you going to see him again?" I... had said I'd see him later but I honestly wasn't sure if I would do it again.

"Maybe." 

"How come?" He pressed. I knew he was disappointed, there was no getting around that but at the same time I didn't get why.

"It's extra money. Plus it's not like I'm trying to hold on to my dignity anymore. So there's no reason not to." 

"Self respect Oikawa." My self-respect?

"I'm sorry?" 

"I don't think you'll be able to have the same self-respect if you continue." 

"But you and Akaashi-" 

"Screw me and Akaashi. We're our own thing. I have the same level of respect I've always had for myself and I think Akaashi feels the same or even has more respect for himself. You won't do that." He snapped at me, saying everything as fact. He was upset with me in someway.

"Based on what." 

"You completely broke when you thought you were alone. Did you not?" I did break when I was alone. I broke completely, I don't feel that's a reason though for me not to continue the same work Akaashi and he do.

"Yes but-" He immediately cut me off.

"But you broke. You're fragile. You don't have enough resolve to continue. You don't love yourself do you?" Not in the slightest. I feel no sense of love for myself in any aspect of the word.

"Obviously not." 

"Then don't continue. You're doing this to sabotage yourself. Not for your benefit." I don't think I've ever sabotaged myself intentionally before. So why would I do it now?

"I am not." I felt defensive for myself, not wanting to give in and admit to what he had said.

"Look I'm not going to fight with you. I'm telling you what's going to happen. I'm telling you it's a bad plan." Kenma was almost always right about anything he said but I honestly was hoping tat this one time he had been wrong.

"I'll see how it goes."


	28. Chapter 27

Oikawa pov

My phone call with Kenma had taken longer than intended but that didn't matter seeing how early Ushijima had woken me up. I spent time on my hair and getting ready, not wanting to think about where I was going. I continually and actively spent time trying not to think about what was about to happen. I brought a book with me to school hoping to be engulfed by the words, for them to transport me somewhere other than the classroom. 

I put on headphones and started my walk to school hoping to drown out all the noise round me. I already knew today would be excruciatingly long and painful. 

When I got to my class no one was there, I had gotten up earlier than I thought. I sat down at my desk, kept my headphones on and pulled out my book. I could only hope for everyone to avoid me. At this point that would be the best case scenario. Eventually people began coming in and thankfully for me Iwaizumi, Makki and Mattsun were all just on time meaning they would have to room to speak to me before the lesson. 

Iwa sat next to me and throughout class I read and took notes trying all I could not to be looking at him. He kept trying to get me to look at him so he could speak. I knew what he had to say and didn't want any part of it. As soon as the we were dismissed for lunch I took off toward the bathroom wanting to be alone. 

"Oikawa!" That was Iwa's voice calling after me. Those were his foot steps racing toward the door. 

My legs took me as far as they could go, outrunning him enough to be alone. I stood in the bathroom stall leaning on the door alone. All I had wanted was for him to avoid me. Why couldn't he avoid me? This would all be far easier if he had avoided me. 

I spent my lunch in that stall thinking and planning out the exact moment I would go into class and how to avoid him till the end of school. I had 2 minutes till class and I started my way back. When I got inside Iwa was standing in front of my desk waiting for me to come back. I felt pale and small and wanted desperately for the teacher to come in. 

I took my slow march to my desk looking solely at the floor not daring to break contact with the wooden boards beneath my feet. When I got there I sat down staring at my desk. 

"Oikawa." I didn't respond. I felt a lump in my throat and had no ability to form a sentence worthy of being heard by Iwa at this very moment. 

"Oikawa, look at me." I did not. 

"Oikawa, can you lift your head?" I could not. I saw him squat down in front of my desk as to see my face. I had not broken eye contact with my desk since I sat down and I had no intention of doing so. 

"Oikawa, I just want to talk to you." I wanted anything but that. 

"Please take your seats!" Sensei walked in and I was saved. Iwa reluctantly walked around and sat next to me. He tried conversation with me several more times during our remaining time in class. I ignored him and stared ahead at what was on the board. 

When class was dismissed I took my leave in an incredibly quick manner. In fact I was the first person out the door. I walked as fast as I could without being at risk of disrupting or being yelled at. 

"Oikawa!" He was running after me. As soon as I got to the lockers I slipped my shoes on as fast as I could and ran out the door with Iwa shortly behind me. 

"God dammit Oikawa! Turn around!" Something in his voice made me turn around. I looked at him, his pleading eyes and otherwise stone face. 

"Yes?" I squeaked out. Sounding pathetic and worthless, surely. 

"Can we... can you just stop running away from me?" 

"I... I'd really rather not talk to you right now." It was true. Even now I was shaking. I felt positively embarrassed and ashamed to be in his presence having him know what he does about me. 

"You can't just keep leaving me. You have to say something at some point." 

"I... please stop talking. I really don't want to be here right now." I saw something in his eyes, something seemed off like somehow what I had said had gotten to him. I had truly never not wanted to be with him before and maybe for the first time he felt unwanted by me. 

"You need to talk to me..." He pleaded, his whole body looked tense and like he was angry and just barely holding it together. 

"I... not now. I just... I really don't want to see you." Those words left a bitter taste in my mouth. I had never thought I would say anything like that to Iwa. I had never thought I would feel anything but joy by being near him but that was no longer the case. 

"You can't say that." 

"But it's true." 

"No. No it's not. Stop saying shit like that." 

"I'm going to leave now Iwaizumi. Have a good rest of your day." I saw his face when I left only for a moment but that was enough. He was truly hurt by what I had just said. Although to an outsider my parting line might have been sweet, he knew better, I knew better. 

I had called him by his last name. I had never done that before, but it felt wrong to call him by anything else right then.


	29. Chapter 28

Iwaizumi Pov

He... he called me Iwaizumi. He called me by my first name. I had always found him calling me 'Iwa-chan' annoying but right now I wanted nothing more than for him to call me by one of his nicknames. 

What had I done to make him act this way toward me? 

I had had a thought last night that if Oikawa were to avoid me still might find where he worked to better understand him. Though honestly I hadn't a clue where to start with that. 

There are a lot of issues with my plan though it was the only plan I had at the moment. 

Problem 1 being, how do I even look for an escort service and where would that even be? 

Problem 2, what would I do when I got there? Am I even allowed to be there? I'm not 18 so is it illegal? I honestly know nothing about escort services besides the basic definition. 

And problem 3 being would Oikawa even talk to me if I came? Probably not. He just ran away all of today. 

I felt upset at the situation I had gotten into and the fact that Oikawa wasn't there to point me in the right direction. He always had a plan and I hated that I was struggling with my own. I felt stupid. How perfect of me to be lost without him. I wonder if he feels the same being all alone. 

When I got home I spent an hour looking at different escort services, I spent an hour looking and found nothing. How fantastic. That was when it hit me like a ton of bricks that I had been a moron with how I went about it. Oikawa's coworkers that I met, I had one of their numbers. They'd probably help me if I explained right? What was his name? Sama... Suwa... Suga? Yeah that's it. Thank god I saved his contact information. 

~

Sugawara 

Iwaizumi: 

I need your help with something. 

Sugawara: 

Oh? Tooru's tag along? 

What do you need? 

Iwaizumi: 

I'm gonna pretend I didn't read that because I need your help 

Sugawara: 

Anything for Tooru's doll 

Iwaizumi: 

Oikawa's secret got spilled by one of our teammates and now we all know about his job. Thus making Oikawa panic and avoid me and the rest of the team. 

I need you to tell me where you work. 

Sugawara: 

Oh... god... he hadn't told me. 

I bet he's done something stupid. 

I'll send you the website. Please make sure he's safe. 

Iwaizumi: 

Yes. Thank you. 

Sugawara: 

Anything for our Tooru.

~

"Our". That didn't sit right with me. I knew he hadn't meant mine and his. That he had meant his and the rest of Oikawa's coworkers. It felt gross. 

He quickly sent me what was promised and I went on to the site. Admittedly the site was pretty and there wasn't an address that I could see. All I saw was the rules, the escort's names alone with their pictures and a way to book them. 

I clicked through it all the rules, it had said nothing about an age requirement, that's good isn't it? He must not be doing anything physical with them. I looked at all the names and pictures, I recognized three of them other than Oikawa. One from the movie and two from the team party. It was hard to believe they were all escorts. 

Eventually i clicked onto a way to book them. 10,000 yen per hour. I guess I see the appeal, that feels like a lot for a highschooler to be making though for an hour of work. If I had no other way to see Oikawa and make him talk to me I'd book an appointment. I'd make him go somewhere with me. 

I clicked onto it and entered my credit card information. My parents were decently rich so none of this would be a problem though I do hope they won't be looking through my history anytime soon. 

Tomorrow night, tomorrow Oikawa will have to talk to me. I had sent a request that the information on me be withheld from my escort. If that goes as planned there should be no problem tomorrow night... 

I just have to wait till then. I just have to hope he is safe until tomorrow. I just need him to be okay for one day till I can help. Please be okay. Please...


	30. Chapter 29

Oikawa Pov

I had an appointment tonight with someone who's profile was being withheld from me. I had thought I would no longer see anyone with a suspicious profile but my staff said this person was assured to be safe. We were meeting at 8pm at a cafe, that surprisingly had late hours. It was probably for college students and seeing as this person knew of it i was assuming they were also in college. All I got from my file today was the client number, location and time. I don't know how his could NOT count as suspicious.

Regardless of my level of concern I opted to show up. I dressed for the occasion in a white turtleneck, overcoat and black pants. I also wore my glasses as the time I was leaving meant I'd be early so I had a book ready in case I had to wait. I assumed I would just take my glasses off before they came, most people that came and saw me liked to comment on my eyes so I wasn't going to block them from potential compliments and flirting. 

My walk to the cafe was long and cold. I had brought a bag that slung over my shoulder of where I would put my earphones, glasses and book when I got to the cafe. Currently I was listening to music while reading as I walked along the street to my destination. I was the only one walking on this street, the lampposts lit the walkway and I felt calm. I felt calm although I was going into another stressful date with no information. I felt calm for the first time since Yahaba had shown his face to me for the first time at the bar and told me he'd keep my secret. I was dumb to believe he was telling the truth. But that didn't matter now, what mattered was that I liked the song that was playing, I enjoyed the book I was reading, and I felt at ease in the glow of artificial light hitting my feet. That's all that mattered. 

When I got to he cafe I saw I was 15 minutes early. Whoever was coming for me would know me by my face so I decided to sit down. A waiter came to take my order and asked if I had someone else coming as I had sat at a table for two and not at the counter usually meant for people alone. I said yes and told her I'd wait to order till they came. 

I reopened my book and continued, I felt very content in that moment. I thought that I had wished I might be stood up and that no one would come to see me so I could enjoy this moment for a little longer. That I wouldn't feel bad about losing the money if they didn't come because I would have gotten to sit here and read for a while longer and pretend like everything else in my life was okay. That was all I wanted in that moment. What wasn't what I had gotten. No, in fact that would all change rather quickly. 

I saw Iwaizumi step in at exactly 8 pm. He looked around and settled on me, then beginning his walk over. 

Why right now? Why would he come to this cafe at this time? What kind of unfortunate circumstance is this? I stopped for a minute realizing my thoughts... it isn't an unfortunate circumstance at all... is it? In fact this was supposed to happen. He must have gone to find our website and learn where I work. He must have realized there wasn't an address of the office and decided to take me out as an escort. Because I wouldn't talk to him... 

I still don't want to talk to him. Every part of this interaction made me want to curl up and die. I had felt sick, this felt positively awful. I had no desire to see Iwaizumi right now. In fact I was actively avoiding him and he knew that. So for him to come here... 

For him to come here he must have known exactly what I would have done next. He must have know, he wore the shoes for it and everything. When he got to the table I was at my bag was already slung over my shoulder with my headphones and book tucked away. 

As soon as he got within a foot of the table, eyes sharp and watching my every move I had already gotten up. I had gotten up and for the 4th time that week I ran from Iwaizumi. 

He had expected the encounter and promptly took off after me. He felt faster than before. When I got outside I turned the corner to an empty street feeling as though I had gotten away and there was a hand holding my wrist holding me in place. 

"Please just stop running from me. I haven't done anything." He looked desperate and pathetic standing there, holding my wrist like it was all he had.

"Why did you have to come to me for work..." I avoided eye contact not wanting to look at him.

"What else was I supposed to do? I couldn't talk to you at school." 

"You could have left me alone. I wanted you to leave me alone." 

"Yeah well I didn't want to leave you alone. I paid for an hour so you're gonna talk to me for an hour. It doesn't have to be at the cafe but you have to talk to me." He had paid for an hour. I would get in trouble if I actually left right now.

"I wish you hadn't come." 

"Well I wish you weren't running away like a child but I guess we both can't have what we want." 

"I guess not."


	31. Chapter 30

Iwaizumi Pov 

"Do you want to go somewhere or back to the cafe you ran out of?" He looked at me surprised for some reason and thought about his answer. 

"Let's just walk somewhere else. I like how the lamps look." He... likes how the lamps look. Like the street lights? Is that what he's been thinking about? 

"Okay. Why the lamps?" 

"I just like them. They're very calm." I guess if he wants to walk we can walk. We turned down the street and started walking as I began to talk.

"So you've been running away from me for a while. Thanks for staying." 

"Yeah well I figured you'd just chase me again seeing as you're obsessed with me." Is he seriously messing with me right now? What a dick.

"I am NOT obsessed with you! Nor have I ever been." 

"I'm not sure that's true. I mean you just kept chasing me all of yesterday and again today. Seems pretty obsessed. I mean even my fans don't actually chase me." 

"I fucking hate you." I picked up my pace and he followed after. The street was completely bare save for the lights.

"Really? Then why are you here, Iwaizumi?" Even though he had just been teasing me he used my last name once more. I stopped and looked at him.

"Why do you keep using my last name, Oikawa?" 

"It feels wrong to call you anything else at the moment. Besides you hate my nicknames, you should be glad." He was being a complete asshole, acting like he hadn't hurt me.

"You're acting like a prick and I haven't done anything wrong." 

"Because you should be disgusted! You shouldn't even want to talk to me! I'm mad! I'm mad and you're here for me to be mad at. That's all there is to it." I got it. I got it completely. The last part at least. I had taken my anger out on him countless times before, this should be nothing new to me. 

"Okay. Then yell at me. Yell at me, but I'm not disgusted with you. You're my best friend." 

"Well you should be! You should hate me! You should be repulsed! Taken aback! You should be something!" I had never been more glad to have no one around me because in that moment Oikawa was incredibly loud, he was screaming. He was mad, exasperated and most importantly seemed to want a reaction I couldn't give him. 

"But I'm not." 

"WHY NOT?!" 

"Because you're the same. You're the same, I just have new information about you." I could see the softness and fear in his eyes as they glowed in the street light. I got what he meant about liking the lamps because in that moment he looked truly genuine. More than I had ever seen. 

"You should hate me." 

"Why? For what? What reason do I have to hate you, dumbass?" 

"Because I would hate me if I was you. If our roles were reversed I wouldn't think twice about leaving you." I knew that. Of course I knew that. But I couldn't bring myself to feel any of those things, to want to leave him. 

"But I don't want to." 

"You're stupid." 

"No, you're stupid for thinking I would have left. It's like you don't know me at all... Shittykawa." I guess neither of us knew everything about eachother. 

"Are you seriously calling me that? Right now? In this situation?" I laughed a bit at him asking that. He always hated when I called him that.

"The situation doesn't matter. You still suck." He turned his head to the side and looked at the lamp making his face glow with the lights.

"Why haven't you asked me anything." Asked him anything? Asked him what?

"What do you mean?" 

"You haven't asked about my job. Why not? You must be curious at least." Of course I'm curious. I have about a million questions actually.

"I am." 

"Then why haven't you asked?" For your sake.

"Because it doesn't feel like the time. And I figured that pressuring you right now isn't the way to do it. That you'd tell me if you wanted, and if I asked. So right now I wasn't going to ask." 

"You're different, Iwa-chan." I missed that. I missed hearing that name come from him. Hearing his voice make out the sounds. I missed it.

"How so?" 

"You're being nice. And calm. And I'm freaking out and you're being nice to me. Nice when I'm yelling and obnoxious." That was a backhanded compliment that only he would give. 

"I'm always fucking nice." 

"That's a lie and you know it." I am ALWAYS fucking nice. He just pisses me off.

"It is not! Do you know how many times I didn't kick your ass when you deserved it?" 

"Several?" Several? SEVERAL?

"All the time! You're an asshole." 

"But you stayed..." He seemed content with that fact. In fact he stopped making the face of someone who had gone through a painful situation just now. He looked content.

"Of course I fucking stayed." 

"That's pretty stupid of you." 

"In what way?" 

"People will associate you with me and make fun of you too now." Of course that's what he's thinking about. Of course we couldn't move on just yet.

"Yeah, well fuck everybody else." 

"What?" 

"You heard me. Fuck them. I don't give a shit about everyone else. They can fuck off, I don't care about them." I genuinely felt that way. They could say whatever they wanted about me. It didn't matter. They didn't matter.

"You don't care about anyone else?" 

"Sure it would be nice if our friends were still there but if not just you is fine." Why did I say it like that? 

"Just... just me if fine?" He looked confused and asked for a reaffirmation. 

"Yeah. Just you is fine." He smiled at my words and looked into my eyes for the first time all night.

"Just you is fine too."


	32. Chapter 31

Oikawa Pov 

Iwa stayed over last night and walked with me to school this morning. He had been nice to me the entire time. Honestly it was starting to freak me out. Why wasn't he being mean? What's wrong with him? Where's my Iwa-chan? 

"Stop looking at me like that." Iwa snapped at me turning around in front of the school.

"Like what?" I was staring at him? I didn't realize.

"Like I've done something wrong." 

"Oh... I didn't realize." 

"Yeah well you are and it's freaking me out." 

"I'll stop." 

"You better." He turned back around and we walked to our class. When we got there Makki and Mattsun were waiting. 

"Hey guys!" Makki shouted. Why was he talking to me? What's going on? 

"Aren't you gonna go to your desk?" Iwa said realizing I hadn't followed him. I had just stood their stunned. I nodded and walked over sitting down. 

"So what did you do yesterday?" Mattsun started casually, "Makki and I went to karaoke which he sucks at by the way." 

"I do not suck." 

"You suck, I've heard you sing before." Iwa pitched in, talking normally with the group. 

"Why are you guys acting so normal toward me?" I finally spoke voicing my... concern. it felt wrong for them to be so nice to me. 

"Well to be honest I don't really care what your job is, if you had told us before I could have totally helped you pick outfits for your dates though." Makki comforted bluntly. He doesn't care... 

"Yeah, he actually thinks your job is cool. His words were 'way better than tutoring some dumb children.' So we don't really see a problem with what you do if that's why you look so nervous." Mattsun spoke next. He thinks my job is cool? Why would it be cool? 

"You think it's cool?" 

"Well unfortunately everything you do is cool in one way or another. So yeah, I think it's cool. Sucks it had to come out the way it did though." The way Makki spoke was so casual. He acted like it wasn't a big deal. He was kind... 

I had felt like crying in that moment. The thought that they would accept me hadn't even crossed my mind. I had just assumed they would hate me. That they would find it horrid but here they were being sweet and even giving me compliments. I had good friends, they were too good to me. I wished I was good to them too. I wished I could have been as good a friend to them as they were to me. They... they still like me. 

"So we're the same?" 

"I mean... yeah? Why would I care what you do to get money? As long as you're safe that's all that matters... right?" Makki had smiled after he said that and I knew he had meant it. All he wanted was for me to be safe. They cared about me. 

"Plus if they escort service is gay I'm assuming that you are to but that doesn't matter. See cause Mattsun over here is super gay for me." He laughed at his own joke that had been at Mattsun's expense. 

"You're the one that wants to kiss me Makki." 

"Oh absolutely, have you seen you? You're hot as hell." They went off into their own conversation, flirting with eachother. Leaving Iwa and I to be alone without them in our exchange.

That issue had been in my mind since it had come out to the group what I do. And they didn't care. I was beyond relieved, happy even. They still liked me. 

"So you're good?" Iwa leaned over propping his chin on his hands resting his elbows on the desk. 

"Yeah... yeah I'm good." 

"Great then wipe that stupid look off your face. You look ridiculous." He turned quickly back to his book and class started shortly. 

Today felt long and for that I was grateful. I had wanted today to continue forever, I was perfectly content with all that was around me. 

Eventually however it was time for practice and we all had to get to the club room early to set up. When we got there several of our teammates were already changing. Makki and Mattsun were happily chatting about something behind us.

"Oh? You're still hanging out with him?" We all stopped and turned to see Yahaba. 

"Clearly." Iwa said and started to walk away. 

"So you're fine with what he does? I didn't think a cool guy like you Iwaizumi would still hangout with someone like him." He was clearly trying to provoke Iwaizumi in a childish way. For some reason it was getting to Iwa though.

"A guy like him?" Iwa still stood facing away from the interaction stone faced and holding in his temper. 

"Yeah, a guy like him. Someone who exploits themselves for money. Someone like our captain. A whore." I tensed at that. I had never been called a whore before. I had thought it of myself sure but never by another person. 

Iwa took a different measure however. As soon as the words came out of Yahaba's mouth Iwa had turned around and hit hit hard across the face. He didn't stop there. He jumped on top of him and continued to beat the shit out of Yahaba. Eventually Mattsun and Kindaichi got him off of him. Yahaba had to be taken to the nurses office.

Practice had to be cancelled for the rest of today to get everyone to calm down.


	33. Chapter 32

Iwaizumi Pov

After I was taken from my fight with Yahaba I opted to take Oikawa home. He had not spoke since we left to go to his apartment. I suppose he must be saddened by the words Yahaba had said. Oikawa often lefts things like that get to him. He might be upset as well with me for getting so violent. I'm not sure which it is but he must have something on his mind to be so silent. 

I watched him as we walked. He was tall and a bit lanky looking. It was odd that I was now noticing all sorts of things about him. Why now am I watching him like this? 

I continued to study him as we continued. He really did have nice hair, I did like how it looked up. Though I greatly preferred the times when it was down, it made him more soft. I noticed his eyes, how prettily they glowed in the afternoon light. I noticed his featured and how I hadn't become bored of them. It was a habit of mine to get bored quickly of other people and their habits and features. I had not gotten to that point with Oikawa, even though I had known him for a far longer time than any other person that bored me. 

What I mostly noticed as we walked was how... 

"Why are you looking at me?" He spoke not even looking at me. His eyes laid on the pavement. He had thrown me off my train of thought making my next response one of pure instinct and nothing else.

"I'm not." He laughed at me, and my stupid response. Why had I denied it?

"How can you blatantly deny something you're so obviously doing. You didn't even try and hide it." That was true. I hadn't tried to hide my staring and it had been for such a long time too. I must have seemed unwell to be looking at someone, especially him for the lengthy time I had spent gazing upon him.

"I was just looking but you said it in such an accusatory manner. Of course I'd deny it you egomaniac." He continued to laugh regardless of my insults.

"What were you even looking at?" 

"Your face mostly." He stopped a bit clearly taken aback by my bluntness before continuing in step.

"My- my face?" He was a sweet looking embarrassed expression when he said that.

"Yeah." I stopped hiding my intent for the most part.

"Why my face? You've never purposely looked for so long at my face before." He looked at me finally, seeming confused and uneased. 

"I'm not sure. I was trying to figure that out." He had unintentionally stopped my thoughts about him from continuing. Though I had already figured out exactly why I had spent such a long time studying his looks and face.

"You were... trying to figure it out..." He spoke softly and trailed off. "Then continue." 

"I don't want to look at you anymore, I've finished." His eyes had gone wide with offense. 

"So you have a reason then?" Yes. 

"No. I've given up." I pushed off his comment and clearly put him into a state of being upset at my lack of interest that had now been present. 

"What! Don't give up! Keep looking at me!" He ran in front of me and stood holding his arm out in a way that made him look like he was presenting himself to me. That should be annoying. Why isn't it?

"No." I shoved past him and continued to his apartment making him have to chase after me. 

"Tell me if you figure it out." I had realized that I found Oikawa undeniably pretty not in just this moment but in all moments. I genuinely enjoyed his looks I found him attractive even. I had never found anyone attractive before but Oikawa... he was... to me at least. I had known him forever but now I had really seen it. How long had Oikawa been pretty to me?

"Sure, I'll let you know as soon as I figure it out, Shittykawa." I wouldn't tell him. It'd go to his stupidly large head.

"Good." 

When we finally got to his apartment we stood awkwardly at the door saying nothing just staring at the door. 

"Did you... want to come in?" Yes.

"Well I had something to ask you, so inside is fine." 

"Inside is fine." He mumbled to himself as he opened the door and walked inside leaving it open for me. 

As soon as I walked in I noticed he had gone off somewhere else in the small apartment to look for something or maybe to just leave. Either way he wasn't there. 

"I'm in my bedroom!" He shouted obviously realizing my own thoughts before I had even voiced them. I silently walked to where he was, preparing myself mentally for what I had decided long ago I would ask him. 

"So what was your question?" He sat on his bed intent on moving past whatever I had to say next. Not knowing the lengthy conversation awaiting him.

"I want to know about your job. I want to know about a lot of things about you actually but right now... it's mostly revolving around that. So if you'd tell me..." The way he looked down at his feet during that made me feel awfully uncomfortable. I felt as if I had said something wrong.

"No, no... I'll... I'll tell you. I just... I'd never know what to say if it's to you."


	34. Chapter 33

Iwaizumi pov 

"Well if you have nowhere to go you can take your time." He seemed nervous. I had hoped I would be able to say something helpful that would make his less scared but I'm not sure I had done that. 

"You can sit down. I have quite a bit to tell you unfortunately." I followed his directive and sat next to him on the bed. He was fiddling with the bottom of his shirt as he spoke. "As you know we started school together at Seijoh three years ago." 

"Yes." 

"Well right before school had started my father passed away." He what? How did I not know? He hadn't told anyone... who keeps a secret like that? "I know what you're going to say. Why didn't I tell you right? I honestly don't know. If it happened now I'm sure you would have known but at the time... at the time I didn't want to tell you." He was smiling softly to himself like the memory was pleasant... or maybe he was pursing his lips just enough to keep from crying. 

"He... he died umm and my mother... well she hasn't told me why. So if you thought about asking if I had know it was going to happen the answer is no. It was sudden." I can't believe he kept this to himself... no. No, his other friends they must know. They must have helped.

"Why won't she tell you?" 

"I'm not sure. She just didn't." He stopped and breathed in harshly before continuing. "And I'm... well I'm gay and you know that... of course you know that. I told her and she said all these things and then suddenly I wasn't welcome home anymore." He... wasn't welcome... he doesn't live with his mom. He lives alone. And then... he didn't tell me. And I found out anyways, way later than intended. 

"Why didn't tell you tell me you had nowhere to go?" He looked like he was going to cry, he looked absolutely depressed and probably had years of built up emotions leading to this conversation. 

"I don't know. I just... god Iwa I thought you would hate me. I thought you would hate me if you knew why she kicked me out and so I didn't tell you. And I know that's stupid now but I was fourteen and scared out of my mind. I wasn't thinking straight and so I didn't tell you." 

"I would have let you stay with me. My mother... she would have let you stay." I wanted to tell him we would have kept him. That I would have helped him. That he could have relied on me.

"I know. I know, it's just I couldn't bring myself to." 

"So what did you do?" 

"I slept on the streets for about a week." Did he go back after that week?

"A week? Why just a week?" 

"Well... then I met Koushi... Suga. I told him about what had happened and he brought me to his apartment where he was staying alone. When I asked how he could afford it he told me about his job and he said if I wanted he would recommend me. So I said yes." At fourteen? Is he serious? Who the hell does something like that at fourteen? 

"You were an escort at fourteen?" 

"Yes, I didn't know what exactly it was or why men would pay to visit with me all I knew was that I needed money. So I did it. It was worse back then when I was young and stupid." 

"Did they... did they touch you?" 

"Some of them, yeah. But eventually I grew up enough to where I could stop that from happening. I stayed with Koushi for over a year till I was sixteen. That's when I moved in here. I met Keiji and Kenma at my job during that time too." 

"They touched you?" I felt myself getting upset. How dare they touch him. How dare they lay a finger on his body. 

"Yeah. Look it's fine now. I was scared at the time but it's okay now." No it isn't. I can see you, looking like you do right now it's not okay.

"It's not okay." 

"I know just... I'm okay now. Anyways I met them and I moved in here mostly to stay close to Koushi. But I stayed at my job." That's a lot to take in at once. 

"That's a lot of information." 

"I'm not done." How?

"There's more?" 

"If you want to know everything then yeah there's more." 

"Then tell me everything." He breathed out once more relieving his tension before he started once more.

"Do you know how Yahaba knows? It's because he was a client. He must have seen to site somehow and decided to go out with me." 

"He was your client? Why?" 

"To mess with me? To hurt me? I don't know. All I know is that... when he told me he'd keep my secret he asked for something in exchange." His breathing shallowed and I could tell he was about to cry. "He said he wanted me to give him sexual favors in return for his silence... and I... I said yes." His voice cracked and my heart sunk. I couldn't imagine Oikawa doing anything sexual with someone. And I hated the thought of him being forced into it. It made me physically sick. 

"I... Oikawa..." 

"I know... but I said yes so... so it's... it's o-okay." He had broken into tears trying to say that. I had not realized it till I saw the water fall on my shirt but I was also crying. 

"Tooru..." 

"No... no that's not why I'm crying it's god. I must seem so stupid. When I say this you'll think me an idiot." I wanted to do something to make him stop crying but in the moment I could just sit lamely and try to respond.

"No... I won't." 

"When... when I left that night after he told the team my secret. Do you know what I did?" I wasn't aware he had actually done anything after that night. I would have thought he just cried.

"I don't know." 

"I had been asked for my price earlier this year by a boy our age." His price for what?

"Your price?" 

"Yes. He wanted to sleep with me. So... god when I went home I told him. I told him how much. And honestly! Honestly I had planned to do it again. I had planned to see him again till Kenma... he just sounded so defeated for me over the phone." Oikawa slept with someone? That thought played over several times in my brain. That he had actually done it and agreed to it no less.

"He... you had sex with him?" 

"Yes." Why?

"For money?" 

"Yes." Why?

"Don't you feel... gross?" 

"Of course I do." I had clearly visualized Oikawa and the faceless boy that had touched him. I felt cold inside thinking about it. 

"Sorry... I just can't believe you of all people would actually do that." 

"Me either." He looked at the floor. He was no longer crying, he was just somber.

"But you aren't doing it again?" 

"No. I'm not doing it again." Thank god.

"That's really a lot. I can't believe I didn't know." How could I not know. 

"I'm glad you didn't know. I wasn't really ready to tell you till now. Though Koushi will be glad I told you. He's been pushing for me to say something to you for a while." 

"Are you gonna keep telling me things or are you going to block me out again." 

"I'm not sure it depend if you're annoying again." I stopped and looked at him. He was facing me laughing silently. 

"I'll kill you." 

"No you wouldn't. You're a big softy." 

"I'm suddenly not having a good time." He continued to laugh at me, tears still in his eyes. 

He looked truly gorgeous.


	35. Chapter 34

Oikawa Pov

I asked Iwa-chan to stay over after our talk. I like when he sleeps over, it makes me feel safe and I know it makes him feel less alone. When I realized Iwa didn't hate me I had never felt more relieved in my life. I didn't realize how much I needed him to like me. It's almost pathetic how much I want him to like me. I'd feel completely terrified for him not to be apart of my life. 

When he got out of the shower I looked at him for a bit. I noticed how comfortable I felt next to him. He was... safe to me. Being with him felt like being at home. It felt the same way I imagined others felt when they held something important to them. I just felt warm. 

He had always just been there for me in one way or another. When we were kids he didn't like me very much in fact he regularly told me how annoying I was. It never bothered me though when he would laugh at me. Because eventually Iwa-chan grew to like me and we became best friends. He had always been there for me. 

"Why are you staring at me?" He quickly put on a shirt he had borrowed from me to cover up. I didn't realize how awkward that much have been me staring at him.

"Sorry I didn't mean to look at you when you were uhh indecent." He blushed at what I had said. 

"Don't say it like that. It makes it weird."

"Sorry sorry. I was just umm thinking." He came over and sat on my bed next to me. He was cross legged and clearly trying not to take up space.

"What about?"

"Umm I don't know just things about you. In a not weird looking at your half naked body kind of way." He laughed at me and my stupid explanation.

"Any bad things about me?" About him? Why would I ever think bad things about him?

"Of course." He looked surprised at me answer although I thought the teasing was obvious. It was intended to be obvious.

"Yeah?"

"No. Just that I like you being here mostly. You're umm comfortable?" That was an awful was to explain it to him. 

"Are you calling me fat? Like I'm physically comfortable for you?" How could he of all people think I'd call him fat. Has he seen himself?

"NO No no no.... like you being in the same room with me is comfortable. Or not speaking the silence isn't awkward. It's just... I enjoy it." I sounded like an idiot. A complete idiot. He didn't look like he cared about how I said it though. He must be used to my genuine thoughts sounding odd and out of place.

"You enjoy it?" Always.

"Yeah I enjoy it. Is that dumb?"

"The idea? No. The way you said it? Yes." Of course the way I said it was dumb. I stumbled over every word I said. 

"I guess I did explain it poorly."

"I guess you did." I felt the need to explain myself further.

"I just think that I like being around you more than I like being around everybody else." 

"More than everybody else?" 

"Yeah. More than everybody else. You just... I feel better when I'm with you. Like I'm better somehow. I that something I can say to you? I don't know. It's what I'm thinking... maybe I'm just really emotional and tired." He kept staring at me and for some reason that made me want to keep talking. Though, at this pont I was honestly just rambling to him about what I had been thinking. 

"So you uhh feel better with me? I should take that as a compliment, no?" 

"You should take everything I say as a compliment honestly. I don't like talking to anyone else, my attention is special." I feel like I'm talking more now than I ever had when I was drunk. Iwaizumi has surely noticed how tired I've become because I've started leaning on him. 

"I don't think you compliment me almost ever, Oikawa. There's no reason for me to feel special." 

"No no...no. I..." I felt myself yawn and lay down. I didn't sleep much last night and it was finally getting to me how tired I actually was. "I like you. You're my favorite Iwa-chan." I was far too comfortable to open my eyes and see his reaction but by what he said next i could imagine he was blushing. 

"Don't say shit like that." He must be embarrassed. 

"Why though? It's the truth. We should always tell the truth. You should lay down and be tired with me." 

"I'm not tired." 

"But I can't sleep unless you sleep. So you need to sleep." I finally opened my eyes to look at him. He was sitting by my hips facing away from my on the edge of my bed. 

"If I say yes will you go to sleep and stop talking to me?" How rude. 

"Absolutely. Yes. Come sleep." I motioned with my free hand for him to come next to me and he did. I could tell he was reluctant. He hadn't ever had an issue with sleeping with me before. So why now? 

He eventually crawled over and got under the covers with me. For someone who wasn't tired he sure fell asleep fast. He always slept dead silently. I remember the first time we shared a bed together I had honestly thought he might have died. He was ideal for sharing a bed with though, he didn't sleep in any weird way and he slept rather calmly. I slept better when he was around. Eventually I could fall asleep too after sometime. For being so tired it had really taken me a while to sleep. Though it was less time that usual, his presence had made me calm. so I slept at ease.


	36. Chapter 35

Iwaizumi Pov

When I woke up Oikawa was already getting dressed. 

"What are you doing?" What time is it? I looked at my phone, it's only 11 pm. What does he need to do? Isn't it the weekend. 

"I got called in early. Sorry. I have to get dressed." Called in? 

"For work you mean?" 

"Yes. For work." Oh. I didn't even think about what times he worked or that because it was the weekend he'd probably be more busy. 

"When do you have to be there by?" 

"I have to check in at the office at 12:30. I have a bit to get dressed but the office isn't necessarily close." Of course not. It's probably smart that he works somewhere that isn't close by. 

"So when do you have to leave?" I had hoped he would be staying longer. I still had things I wanted to talk to him about.

"20 minutes." So we don't have any time before he leaves. I wish he had woken me up so we could have talked before he up and left. At least I didn't wake up to him being gone. 

"You look fancy. Where do you have to go for the date?" He looked really nice. He was in a blue tux and his hair was all done. He looked gorgeous.

"It's an event thing. I'm someone's date for a wedding I think? I don't know I haven't fully looked at the file." Files? What files? 

"There are files?" 

"Yeah. The stuff you fill out, most of it gets sent to me through Keiji. He does a lot of dates too but he also makes money off of secretary work. He's the usual night secretary actually. Uhh he has to do background checks too otherwise clients don't get approved to see us. Did you want to see how it looks?" 

"Uhh sure. I guess." He tossed his phone to me and instructed me to open up the files on his text thread with Akaashi. 

It was a well organized description of everything he had found on the client. The woman Oikawa was meeting with was was quite pretty and it he early 20's. I wonder why a person like her would need an escort. 

"It's a girl." I thought the escort service was for men. Did I just imagine that?

"Oh? That's rare. It's always rare when we get girls. They know the agency is a gay escort service so I never know why they choose it. Sometimes they say things like they want someone to compliment them but not hit of them. That always seemed odd to me but I go with it anyways. I can give shallow compliments all they like." He laughed as he struggled with his bow tie. 

"Do you need help?" He looked at me and then nodded, turning around so I could help. It hadn't occurred to me that by the time he would have needed to learn how to tie a tie and a bow tie his father would have already died. Of course he doesn't know. 

I walked over and took the ends and started to wrap and tie it correctly. he studied my face while I did this. He looked intense from what I can see. 

"I could show you sometime how to tie one of those. If you want." I offered to him. He clearly had never genuinely learned and he looked stupid being so confused.

"Yes please. I have no idea what I'm doing." He looked at the time and then back at me. I ave him his phone and he hurriedly got his wallet and keys. "I have to go. Uhh Lock up when you leave or stay I don't care. See you later, Iwa-chan." He put his shoes on and ran out the door within seconds of saying goodbye. 

I stood there a bit shocked at how the past 20 minutes had gone. Everything was so fast, I hadn't had time to process anything. I went to his small kitchen and sat down at one of the bar stools it had. 

I thought about where he was going and who he was going to be with. The girl didn't really bother me. I mean she knew he was homosexual she wouldn't put any moves on him hopefully. Hopefully she would just use him to dance with. But I thought again about other clients. Oikawa must have had several hundred clients by now. And I bet he's held most of their hands and complimented them and giggled at their jokes. I hated that. 

Why did I hate it so strongly? The fact that he was with all these other people and laughing with them and flirting with them it made me upset. I knew. I knew I had no right to feel this way. That he was doing this all for his own sake and that I shouldn't be angry at all... but I was. I hated the people who had touched him. They didn't deserve to touch him. What could have possibly made them think touching him was okay? They were all disgusting. 

I hate it all too much. It physically makes me upset as to where I can feel it in my hands and throat how upset I am. I didn't want him to be with any of them. I didn't want him to give attention to any of those people who had taken him out. 

However, I felt upset at myself mostly for feeling so angered at his job. I hated myself for thinking poorly upon his place of work. I needed to take my mind off of it all.


	37. Chapter 36

Iwaizumi Pov

I spent the day at Oikawa's studying and trying not to think about his job till he came home. For some reason even being at his apartment was comforting to me. Everything smelled like him. I felt incredibly relaxed being in his home or no other reason than it reminded me of him. 

When he came home he was surprised to see me.

"I didn't think you'd stay." What an excellent greeting.

"Well I still wanted to talk to you. Plus no one is at my house." I hate being home alone. No one is ever at my house.

"Ah. Okay then, Iwa-chan. What did you want to talk about with me?" That's quick. He usually likes to steer clear of uncomfortable topics.

"You just want to jump into that?" 

"Sorry did you want to make small talk?" He teased.

"Don't say it like that I'll feel like one of your customers." I shouldn't have said that. I knew that as soon as it came out of my mouth and by the look on his face. 

"What's that supposed to mean? Like one of my customers?" I messed up. Why did I say that?

"I shouldn't have said that. Sorry." 

"Is that what you wanted to talk about? My job?" He sounded aggressive and annoyed. Something must have ticked him off he doesn't usually get upset this fast. Was it really my comment that got him so mad?

"Yes. I don't have any right to make an opinion on what you do... I know that. But as your best friend I want to talk about it with you." 

"As my best friend. Fine let's talk. What's wrong with it?" He mocked me as he agreed to the conversation. I knew he was genuinely annoyed because of that. 

"Are you going to be mad the whole time?" 

"Depends on what you say." Of course he'd say that. Of course.

"I just want to make sure you're safe." His expression softened and so did his words. 

"I won't be mad the whole time." He was back to normal with one line. Of course he'd cool down so quickly.

"So... you're still going to work there?" Maybe I should have phrased it differently?

"Well what else would I do?" 

"That's fair. Do you ever hate it? The people?" I wanted to know if he liked it and mostly i wanted him to say no.

"I never like people Iwa but there are people everywhere." 

"But you could get a job without as many people. With less interaction." I honestly didn't like him working there. With all those people hitting on him and touching him. I didn't like it.

"Like what?" I have no clue.

"I don't know. Anything." 

"Nothing pays as well." How much does he make?

"But you don't like it..." 

"Just because I don't like the people doesn't mean I hate the job." He likes the job?

"Look... I used to hate it... I did. But at some point it felt like my home. It's my only home Iwa-chan." I don't know what I felt at that moment but for the most part I felt conflicted at what I wanted and what was best for him. 

"How is it your home? Is it... your coworkers." 

"They're my friends first. Koushi, Keiji and Kenma have been through a lot with me. I want to continue to be with them. I enjoy my job because they're there." He wants to stay. 

"So you want to stay?" 

"Yeah. Do you not like me working there?" That's a loaded question of which I do not have the correct answer for. 

"I don't know. Sometimes I don't like it. I thought about it and I guess it makes me feel scared for you. But I think part of me trusts you not to do something dumb again. So I don't know how I feel." 

"If you want me to quit, then I'll quit." Is he serious?

"Why would you do that?" 

"Because mostly what I care about is you opinion." But I couldn't make him quit. I couldn't bring myself to ask him to do anything like that. As much as I didn't want him to quit I loved him too much to ask him to leave something he enjoys even if it is an escort service. Even if I do hate it. Because at some point i realized I loved him a whole lot more than I thought I did and that his opinion meant a lot more to me than it should. 

"Don't quit." 

"Why?" He was shocked. I think he had genuinely prepared for me to say that he should quit.

"Because I want you to be with your friends. So don't quit. I'll get over it." He looked happy with my comment. That was what I was hoping for. He looks better when he's happy. I enjoy him this way.

"Promise?" 

"Yeah, promise. Besides you need more than Makki and Mattsun. I'm not sure you could hold a real conversation with either of them." He always looked lost during their conversations together. It was hard for most people to talk to the two of them. They were built to speak to eachother and only that.

"Aww don't say that. They're sweet." 

"And total freaks." 

"Adorable freaks." Of course he would like them. They were obviously weird but they were nice and different. I think he was into that.

"You like them too much. Maybe it really is better that you have other friends to balance you out." I was honestly glad they weren't his only friends. He might have turned out completely different if that was the case.

"Don't be mean to the meme team." The meme team?

"I'm not mean." 

"You are mean." If only he knew how nice I was in my head to him. That would throw him for a loop.

"Yeah but you like me." 

"But I like you." I mostly enjoyed how he looked at me. He always had that awe struck look of admiration and compassion. I wanted to drown in that look.

"So then it doesn't matter." 

"I guess you're right. I look past it."


	38. Chapter 37

Oikawa Pov

Tonight my small team from work and I are having a sleepover at Kenma and Keiji's. Koushi is coming to get me in 5 minutes. We all specifically took today off so we could hangout and mostly to talk. We have barely enough time to update eachother on our lives before work. So, and of course it was Koushi who suggested it, we're having a sleepover. Kenma and Keiji's apartment is surprisingly large for being in Tokyo. It threw me when I first saw it. My immediate thought was... how much? How much, because this is gorgeous. 

It's filled with games (Kenma) and Books (Keiji). It's insane how cute their apartment is honestly. It's ideal in my opinion. 

I ran down stairs realizing I had already gotten myself late by thinking. I saw Koushi waiting in his car, looking at his phone. Probably texting me. 

"Hi!" I opened the side door and got in. 

"You're usually on time, what's up?" I thought about the pretty lights Kenma has in his room.

"I got caught in my thoughts." Mostly true, just not specific.

"Oh okay. Let's head off then."

Koushi asked me about school and my classes. He was a proper mom. I told him about how I had been doing and how Makki and Mattsun reacted. He was so positive, it always made me feel less bad about my own shit. 

When we got there Keiji and Kenma were arguing about something small. It was really more of an uncivilized debate than an argument but I digress. Kenma has lots of controversial opinions on Anime and Keiji is always quick to tell him why he's wrong. It's quite entertaining but I never expect it. 

"Hey team!" Koushi bounced in after using the spare key he and I shared for their apartment. 

"Oh? Hi. I didn't hear you pull up." Kenma was pulled out of his previous conversation and into Koushi's happy aura. 

"That's because you were yelling." Keiji was passive aggressive under his breath. Koushi shot him a look and he immediately stopped. 

Our sleepover mostly consisted of trash talking and stories from school. We had already heard about everything that had happened at the agency, we knew everything that ever happened there but we had been far too uncaught up on daily events. 

Somehow we ended up on the topic of boys. Koushi complained about Daichi for over an hour, explaining how he had been quite possibly the most oblivious man on the planet. 

"I'm done, he has no idea the feelings are mutual at this point I'll have to be the one to confess. But that's it. That's my rant. Negativity, begone!" He always said that and it had never failed to make me laugh. 

"What about you Oikawa." Keiji started, obviously wanting a change of pace from Koushi's rant. 

"What about me?" 

"Well... is there anyone you're looking at." Anyone I'm looking at? I don't really know the last time I've ever had feelings for someone... or if I've ever had real feelings for someone. 

"Eh, I don't think so. I mean I don't really talk to anyone." Koushi popped up and hit my arm. 

"That's not true! You talk to the Iwaizumi boy all the time." Iwa-chan? Well... I mean of course I talk to him. 

"Yeah but that's different. He doesn't like me. He's just my.... my best friend." Why did it feel sad to say best friend just then?

"Not necessarily." Kenma interjected, now apart of the conversation after Keiji had taken his box of melon milk from him. 

"How is in not true?" 

"Well the way I see it. You hangout with him all the time, we sleeps over, you do pretty much everything together with him. Not to mention when you got outed and everyone found out you were an escort the only person you were worried about the opinion of was Iwaizumi, yeah?" 

"Yeah, so?" 

"So I think you're probably in love with him." Kenma then took his milk back and continued to drink it. 

"You guys think I'm in love with Iwa-chan?" 

"I mean... yeah?" Keiji said that like it was the most obvious thing in the world. 

"But I... really? Like you really think so? No... I... no." 

"I guess you had to get there eventually and it was taking forever on your own. Look he probably likes you too but I figured you should be told since you're the last to know." Keiji was always so blunt with the way he said things. It was both a blessing and a curse. 

"You think Iwa-chan likes me?" 

"Definitely. I mean, not many people would drive across town in the middle of the night to see someone they were just friends with. I mean, he spent what 100 something dollars just to talk to you? I'd say he's in love with you." Koushi made me feel as if it was all painfully obvious. Maybe it was painfully obvious. Maybe we were in love with eachother and I really was the last to know. 

"How would I know... umm how could I tell if I loved him like... like you love Daichi?" It felt like such a stupid question. Like I should really know the answer but somehow I was incredibly lost with it all. I felt confused. 

"I think that when you see him, you'll just know. It'll all just make sense. So the next time you see him, with this thought in your mind you'll either know 100% or you don't love him. I think it's kind of simple really."


	39. Chapter 38

Oikawa Pov

The day after the sleepover I knew exactly what I needed to do. I called Iwa-chan and asked him over. I needed to see him as soon as I could. I needed to know. 

As soon as I heard knocking I opened he door. I quickly got it open and started to look at him with the thought that Kenma had put into my mind. 

"Are you going to keep staring at me or are you going to let me in?" 

"Just let me look at you." He stood their awkwardly at my aggressive need to see him. 

How was I supposed to be feeling? What was I supposed to know? Now that I think about it those are very unclear directions. How do I tell if I feel any different? Or would I not feel different because I'm already in love with him? I'm incredibly lost. 

"I'm gonna go inside and you can look at me there. Yeah?" He went around me to get inside. 

I really need more specific directions because I've never been more confused. Our we not in love because I'm lost? Is that it? 

As soon as I closed the door I sat down and leaned up against it and continued to look at him. What do I know? I know I like being with him, yes? I know I find him handsome and sweet. I know that I've thought about kissing him before. I know that sometimes I fantasize about living with him and seeing him when I come home. I know that when I'm in an ill state of mind he makes me happy. So does that mean I'm in love with him? Is that the same? 

I stood up and walked over to him. He was sitting on the couch sideways facing me and leaning on the arm rest. Obviously he was confused by my actions. I sat down in front of him and held his face in my hands. 

"Look at me." He scrunched up his face as if he was disgusted with me. I was definitely annoying him.

"Why?" Can he just, look at me for 5 seconds without complaining. Is that so hard?

"I just need to figure something out. Be helpful." His face relaxed and he looked up at me and muttered under his breath.

"I'm always helpful, asshole." I'm in love with him. I'm definitely in love with Iwa-chan. 

"You know you have really pretty eyes." 

"Is that why you're being weird? Because you like my eyes?" He was almost pissed off. I had been holding his face for far too long for him to be comfortable or for me to give him such a bad reason.

"No... I figured it out just they're pretty. They fit you well." They were a beautiful green and I never noticed how much I liked them.

"Are you done?" 

"Yes. I'm done." How long had I been holding his face?

"Then let go." I pulled my hands away and sat back on the couch. 

I should tell him. I should let him know how I feel. 

"Iwa... I umm I'm glad you're here." Why did I start with that? Why am I so nervous? 

"What's wrong with you? Are you okay?" He must think I sound like a complete and total idiot.

"No no no I'm good. I'm good, just... I want to tell you something. Yeah? yeah uh.." I've never stumbled over my words this much in my entire life. What is wrong with me?

"For someone who talks so much you sure are having a hard time stringing together a proper sentence." God, I bet he's so confused.

"Yeah. Okay.... I like you." Yeah, that's good okay. Go with that.

"Umm yeah? I like you too. What else?" That's not how I thought that would go over. 

"I like being around you and talking to you and seeing you when I wake up." I'm a moron. Tooru, you fucking idiot.

"What?" Yup, there's no other reaction he could have had to that.

"You know I'm a much better talker in my head." I'm so embarrassed this feels like I've been talking for forever.

"Yeah, you seem to be failing miserably." I am. I'm failing miserably.

"God, I know. Uhh I feel better when you're with me. I like when you compliment me and smile, have I ever told you I think you're pretty? I do. I think you're really pretty. Several times before I thought about kissing you and how that would feel?" Why am I still talking...

"You want to kiss me?" I hate myself so much right now.

"Yes, but that's not what the point of that was. Damn, uh how is this going over so poorly?" 

"I don't know. You seem really confused about what you want to say." I have no idea what I'm doing and he's here to watch it all. I really should have thought about it before I started.

"Well I've never done this before, so yeah I'm confused." 

"I can't really help you with that, I have no idea what you're trying to say." Why am I so bad at this? I've never been this bad at something before.

"Oh god. Me too honestly. I don't know how to put what I'm feeling into words for them to make sense to you. It all sounds stupid." 

"You're right you do sound like a moron." Of course I do. Of course he'd say that now.

"Thanks." 

"Do you want to try again?" Not at all.

"Nope. I'm good. I'm thoroughly embarrassed and small and have no idea how to talk properly to you." 

"Okay."


	40. Chapter 39

Iwaizumi Pov

"I guess if you're all done talking then I can talk, yeah?" He had been rambling about nonsense for far too long.

"Yeah. Go ahead." He looked so sad that he had messed up so badly. It was cute if I'm being honest.

"I'm pretty sure I know what you meant to say. After knowing you so long, I've never seen you be so awkward before." He looked up at me and glared.

"Thanks." 

"But I got the gist of what you meant. So yeah, I'm in love with you too Tooru." His eyes got all big and he looked up at me with the most surprised and excited expression I had ever seen on him. 

"You got that from what I said?!" He jumped up on to me and put his hands on my knees to stabilize himself. He was clearly excited I had understood any of what he wanted to say.

"I'm fairly certain no one else would have gotten that. It was pretty cryptic." It really was a god awful attempt on his part.

"So you're in love with me. Right?" Why is he checking for reassurance. 

"Did I not just say that?" 

"No no no I'm just checking. So you'd kiss me then... right?" I'd kiss him? Why would he ask that right now?

"Depends." 

"Depends? On what?" What he means.

"When." 

"Right now. Can I kiss you right now?" He wants to kiss me now? I've never kissed anyone.

"Oh. If you want." 

"You don't sound very enthused." I'm concerned I'll be bad.

"You're just demanding." 

"Ugh Iwa-chan~" I hate when he complains to me like that. 

"Just shut up and kiss me." He got on top of my lap took my face back in his hands like he had done before and kissed me. I had never felt more loved than I did right now. I had seen a lot of people who weren't in love kiss before and I had never wanted anything like it. But when Oikawa kissed me I felt like he had given his heart and soul to me and I never wanted it to end. he was good, obviously. I hadn't really expected him to be bad. I wasn't sure what I expected... but this had exceeded my expectations in every possible way. 

"Your lips taste like mint." Jesus Christ. Why? 

"Why would you say that after our first kiss ever?" He kept looking down at me from where he was sitting on my lap. He was so pretty.

"I was just noticing. They taste nice." And terrible and mood killing.

"I'm never chewing gum again if you make comments like that." 

"I'll stop." He sat back into my lap no longer holding himself up.

"Good." We sat in silence for a minute just looking at eachother. I really enjoyed looking at him, I could do that forever.

"Iwa-chan... are you still lonely at home." An odd change of subjects.

"Always. Why?" 

"Come live with me. I want to see you when I wake up." Is he serious? That's a big commitment for him to just ask out of the blue like that. 

"Why are you asking so suddenly?" I don't think he's thought this through. 

"Well even if you don't want to be together there's an extra room. And you hate being alone and it just makes sense, yeah?" It does make sense. He must have thought about this before.

"It's just impulsive, don't you think?" He shook his head.

"We've been together our entire lives and I intend for that to keep happening. What's so different about living together?" I hate when he says stuff that makes sense like that. It's frustrating when he's right.

"The way you say it, it makes sense but... you change your mind a lot." He'll think differently in the morning.

"Not about you. Never about you." That's true... he's never changed his opinion on me before. I guess it'd be more odd if he had started now.

"So you're 100% sure you want this?" He nodded and smiled at me. His genuine smile was so small and true and I loved it.

"Absolutely. I want to see you all the time. I want you to have to look at me so much that my face gets boring to you." It'd be millions of years before I ever got bored of looking at his face.

"I don't think you'll ever be boring to me. You haven't been in the past 17 years. Why would you start now?" 

"So you'll stay with me?" I'd be an idiot to say no. Especially since I had already thought about this and wanted to ask.

"Yeah. I'll stay with you."

We talked for hours after the fact. We decided I'd get a job so Oikawa would have to work less on weekends. We sounded very adult like deciding on our future the way we had. He asked about my parents and whether or not they'd be okay with me leaving. I told him they don't care about what I do any other time to it'd be out of character for them to start now. 

We decided I wouldn't use the extra room and that we'd share. We had both been hoping to sleep in the same room. i had really just wanted to wake up next to him every morning. I remember how I felt everytime I had previously done it and I wanted that feeling to continue. 

We also decided that we were in fact together as boyfriends. That was our shortest conversation in which Oikawa just kept agreeing everytime I asked before I could get the entire sentence out of my mouth. 

I had never been with someone who had annoyed me and made me happy all at the same time before. I had never wanted someone so badly. I loved him truly. I would continue to love him for as long a I lived.


	41. Chapter 40

Oikawa Pov

It had been a month since Hajime had started living with me. He was always up before me and he made breakfast most days. I think he liked to let me sleep especially on weekends after I had stayed up so late during the week. He was much better to live with than I had imagined. He was sweet and I fell more in love with him everytime I saw him. I felt dumb for thinking things like that. For acting like we were old. But at the same time I didn't care. He made me happy. 

There was this party for the end of the season. We had all gone to someone from Nekoma's house. They had this ginormous house and it fit at least 5 other teams. I was honestly surprised at how large this house was. 

Hajime had gone off with Makki and Mattsun somewhere and I opted to stay behind. I had been looking for Koushi when my search was interrupted. I was tapped on the shoulder and when I turned around I saw who my unfinished business was with. 

"Oikawa-san. How are you?" How odd that I'd meet him here for the first time in public.

"I'm fairly good. And yourself?" He was always polite.

"I've been okay. You look well." Still charming as ever.

"I feel well. It's nice to see you, Ushijima-san." I'm certain that if the past month had gone any other way I would have been nervous right now.

"It's nice to see you too. I hadn't thought we would meet again." Neither did I. I had thought that we were done with eachother.

"Ah well I seem to be doing a lot of things I'd never thought I'd do as of late." And by as of late I mean this entire year. I had never been thrown for more of a curve ball than I had then.

"I guess you were always full of surprises." Says the man who asked me my price on our first outing together.

"And so were you."

"You know I've thought about that night a lot." Oh? Is that why he wanted to talk to me? I should have seen that coming, I guess.

"Oh, I'm not doing that anymore." It felt odd to turn someone down from a job. I had never done it before.

"I'm aware. I saw you walk in with that boy from your team. That's not what I meant." I've never had a customer who was as straightforward and polite as Ushijima was.

"Oh? Umm then what did you mean?" 

"I think you should have sold yourself for more." What?

"I'm sorry?" 

"I kept thinking about your number after it happened and you could have asked for more." He had said that before but to be honest I hadn't thought he meant it. Did he really find me at the party to tell me that?

"Oh well thank you..." 

"Oikawa. You're worth quite a bit more than you know. I thought you should know." I felt complimented in a way. It was an odd compliment but it felt sweet either way.

"I'm not sure you're right." I had sold myself for what I thought I was worth. And that had been 200,000 yen. No more no less.

"I know I'm right. I think you know that too." Of course he was right. I knew that but I had a hard time saying what he wanted me to say out loud. It felt wrong. 

"I... of course I'm worth more than 200,000 yen but... at the time..." He cut me off.

"You were never less than you are now." I had never had the guts to think I was worth more. I hadn't felt like more. But in someway I knew I should have sold myself for more.

"I just think at the time I hadn't felt that way." I truly hadn't I had always felt like I wasn't worth as much as I could have been. If that makes sense.

"As long as you feel that way now. It had just been on my mind and I'd been meaning to tell you." He was polite and charming and had come all the way to find me to try just to boost my self esteem. I didn't feel bad about having my first time with him. He had genuinely cared about me. More than I cared about myself at the time.

"Well... thank you Ushijima-san." I think I really needed him to tell me that. It felt like I now had the closure I was searching for. I felt at peace with the way things had gone even if I wasn't proud of it. I had accepted it. I meant thank you to him in more ways than one.

"Of course." 

"I'm going to go find Hajime." 

When I saw Haijime he was standing alone watching Makki and Mattsun play some game. He looked amused. I took his hand and started with what was on my mind.

"I'm more than 200,000 yen." He looked confused at what I had said.

"Of course you are." I clearly wasn't making much sense but I didn't care. I was having a realization.

"I'm worth a lot more than 200,000 yen." I didn't think I was worth much of anything before. In fact I had thought I was less that 200,000 yen.

"I know that." 

"I think that's a nice thing for me to finally believe." I felt like I was worth something and I enjoyed that thought.

"Had you thought you were worth less?" I had. I had thought I was worth a lot less.

"I think I had... I was wrong. I think I like knowing I'm worth more than I used to think I was." 

"I always thought you were priceless, Tooru." He always had.

"You always thought the best of me." 

"I did. I still do."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This concludes Behind Closed Doors.


End file.
